104 Tales of Hyrule's Heroes
by BirdSpell
Summary: No matter what world he lives in, what incarnation he is, he'll always be the hero.
1. Wardrobe

**So.**

**I've kinda hit a wall with Unknown Soldiers (not that anyone seems to care), so I'm starting something new. This is gonna be my biggest project ever. A Legend of Zelda oneshot every week. For 104 weeks. In other words, **_**two years**_**. I'm going to be thoroughly sick of it by the end of this.**

**Basically the way it works is this: Every Saturday I go onto a random word generator and get my word. Then I have a week to write a oneshot related to that word. The next Saturday, I post the oneshot and get the next word. You guys can suggest any pairing or AU you want; in fact, with two years ahead of me, I'm gonna need the help!**

**So without further ado, let's begin!**

**Disclaimed.**

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_1: Wardrobe__  
__Saving the world is all well and good, but what does one wear to a goddess' ball?_

__"Link."

"Yes, Zelda?"

"I'm going to throw a ball to commemorate the completion of the castle."

"Good for you."

"You're going to be there."

"Of course I am."

"And you're not wearing your uniform."

"What?!"

Zelda has to laugh at the utterly stricken look on her old friend's face. He looks like she told him she'd killed his Loftwing, rather than informed him he can't wear the uniform he's been wearing for Farore-knows-how-long to a formal occasion. "You are not wearing your uniform."

"But Zelda-!" he whines. "My uniform is special! I saved the world in this uniform! You can't take it from me!" He looks like he's about to start crying.

The goddess merely rolls her eyes. "You're not a child, Link. You're almost twenty. And I know you have a perfectly serviceable wardrobe full of clothes in your rooms. Just pick something."

He drops his head, sticking out his lower lip. "Yes, Your Grace…" Then he wanders off in the general direction of his rooms.

"What was that all about?" a new voice asks.

Zelda turns. "Hey, Groose, good to see you. Link's upset because I told him he couldn't wear his uniform to my ball."

The redhead chuckles. "Of course. It'll be weird to see him in something else at this point. I swear he never takes that thing off."

"He says it's his good luck charm." Zelda rolls her eyes again. "I can't wait to see what he does now."

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Having spent two hours combing his wardrobe, then his bags, then the rest of his room, Link has come to a conclusion. Other than his uniform, he has nothing to wear to a formal ball.

"Oh, goody," he mutters. "Just this once, why couldn't Zelda make it easy for me?"

Of course she couldn't. That would be too simple. She has an annoying tendency to forgot that he _saved the entire world_. Surely that means he can wear whatever he likes to a ball?

Except… not. Because Zelda is a goddess, which means she can do whatever she likes. So now he has to find something suitably formal to wear.

This will be harder than fighting Demise. Link is not a formal person. In fact, his uniform is the most formal outfit he has! But that's not an option, apparently, so he has to think of something else.

He could borrow something off someone else, make something on his own, or just buy a jacket or something and throw it over his other clothes. But everyone he knows is either a girl or taller than him, so that's not really an option… And buying things is too simple, so that leaves making something.

He can borrow—read: steal—some fabric off of Zelda and cobble something together… The ball is in three weeks, so that would be… a bit rushed, maybe, but doable…

Link grins. This will be interesting.

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"Link? Why are you inside your wardrobe?"

Link jumps, banging his head on the top of his wardrobe and falling out onto the floor. "Ow! Hey, Groose. What brings you here?"

The other teen shrugs. "Boredom. Seriously, what were you doing in there?"

"Plotting world domination," comes the airy reply.

"Ha ha. What were you doing?"

Link groans, sitting up and running a hand over his face. "Working on my outfit for Zelda's ball. What else?"

Groose stares at him. "You do know that's tomorrow, right?"

"Oh, I know," the hero assures him. "That's why I'm panicking."

"You don't look like you're panicking."

"Nope. But trust me, I am." He grins ruefully. "Give me a Demon King any day."

"Instead of sewing?"

"Instead of Zelda's face when I tell her I haven't finished." He smirks. "But her face if I do finish will be brilliant. She may kill me."

Groose knows better than to ask the shorter man questions at this point. Plus, if he doesn't know, Zelda can't kill him for it later. Well, she can, but she probably won't. "Alright, then. Good luck."

"Feel free to stick around," Link invites. "I could use the company. And I think Crim's mad at me; he hasn't come down from Skyloft for a while." He ducks back into the wardrobe as he speaks. Why he's making his outfit _inside_ the wardrobe is beyond Groose, but then, heroes are a strange breed.

"…Why are you doing this inside the wardrobe?"

"Because if I'm outside the wardrobe, people will see it. That'll ruin the surprise." Link says this in the tone of someone explaining something that should be obvious. Groose ignores that.

"Well, it's somewhat logical, so I guess I'll accept that." He runs a hand across his pompadour with a sigh. "Why will Zelda kill you when she sees this outfit of yours?"

"She'll think I'm mocking her previous champion. Which is kind of mocking myself, if I understood her description properly…"

Groose doesn't ask about that. Some things are best left to the hero and the goddess to think about. "Are you mocking him?"

"I prefer to thinking of it as reliving the legend. And getting around her restriction on my uniform."

So technically yes, but not exactly. "Alright, then. I'll just… leave you to it."

Link waves, but doesn't otherwise reply. Groose can't help but wonder if this is the last time he'll see his friend alive.

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"What did I say?"

"You said I couldn't wear my uniform."

"And what did you do?"

"Well, I'm not wearing _my_ uniform."

Zelda has to admit that he has a point. But he doesn't have to look quite so pleased about it!

Link, after much deliberation, chose to wear a formal version of the Ancient Hero's uniform, with a long green robe, white shirt, brown leggings, and that red scarf Hylia remembers so fondly draped around his shoulders. At least he left out the hat.

Technically, he obeyed her. Well, he obeyed the letter of the law, if not the spirit. And she has missed that scarf…

She grabs it and pulls hard, nearly dragging the hero to the ground. "You knew what I meant, Link."

"Did I?" He's going to play innocent. She sighs, releasing the scarf and letting him back away with his typical wide-eyed grin. "Come now, Zelda. You can't say I don't wear it well…"

"No, I can't say that," she admits. Then she glares at him. "I _can_, however, get you in serious trouble for disobeying a goddess…"

She gives him a five second head start in consideration for his hard work. Then the ball is partially ruined by various screams as she makes her old friend suffer.

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**That was… interesting. I did good, yes? Yes?**

**…It involves wardrobes. So I passed the first week. Only 103 to go!**

**I am so fucked. Oh well. At least I have a plan for next week's already. A very vague plan, but a plan all the same.**

_**Next time: Laugh**__**  
**__**He thinks his biggest accomplishment is making him laugh.**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	2. Laugh

…

**…Linkcest is a legitimate ship. So yeah. Deal with it.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_2: Laugh__  
__He thinks his biggest accomplishment is making him laugh._

He's not a hero.

That's the first thing the Shade thinks when he sees the child the goddesses chose to replace him. This boy wearing the clothes of a hero is a disappointment, a weak, sniveling parody of those who came before him. All he has is raw desperation and a sword he barely knows how to use.

(The thought that, perhaps, he's being a little harsh occurs to him briefly. He ignores it, like he ignores the fact that he was much the same starting out.)

When he sees the golden wolf, the boy draws his sword and shield. His stance is balanced, the Shade must admit, and he's not running… but the tremor in his hands is just slightly too noticeable for him to be impressed. The boy was raised on stories of the things wolves have done to villagers in the past, and his fear is almost tangible. The Shade growls, leaps, and drags him into the world of fog and dreams he's inhabited for the past five centuries.

The boy is bold, he'll give him that; he leaps onto the offensive without a thought. The Shade knocks him back with ease. Perhaps he's not bold. Perhaps he's just a cocky, foolish boy who thinks himself stronger than he is. The sword has no strength unless the hand wielding it has courage, after all. The Shade says as much.

The boy sheaths his sword, perhaps sensing the lack of threat from the Shade, and replies. "Perhaps not, but plain courage won't help much in a swordfight."

He is clever, the Shade admits grudgingly. But he is also a disgrace of a hero, and he tells him this. The reply is simple. "We'll see."

Perhaps he isn't cocky, but he's certainly close. However, the boy is eager to learn, so the Shade teaches him the ending blow. He learns it quickly. Impressively so, especially for a ranch hand. So the Shade tells him of the howling stones and returns him to the real world, expecting that to be the end of it.

It isn't.

Several days later, the Shade is awoken by the gentle howl of a familiar melody. The howling stone on Death Mountain has been activated; someone is calling for him. He answers the boy and informs him where he will wait. Several days after that, the boy arrives and stands before him, still as bold as brass, but… tempered, somehow. Perhaps he will become a true hero after all.

For now, though, he is only one of many would-be saviours that the Shade has seen prancing through Hyrule. The others died. Why should this one be any different?

The not-hero is just as quick to learn, and the shield attack is easily passed on. The boy chatters as they spar, speaking of his friends, of Death Mountain and Kakariko, and how pleased he was to find the kids unharmed. The Shade nearly snorts at this. The not-hero is little more than a child himself, and yet he speaks as though they were far younger.

There's a pang of nostalgia, too; first forest, then mountain, then lake. It is, the Shade thinks, as though the boy is retracing his own journey.

When he's sure the boy has returned to the real world, the Shade smiles. Perhaps the boy is a part of the chain, after all.

A week or so after this, the boy calls him again. The Shade settles down outside Castle Town to wait. Not long after, a few days, perhaps, he hears hooves, and a familiar mare skids to a halt beside the bridge. The boy leaps from the saddle, shoots him a quick wave, and runs into the town without even hesitating.

The Shade rolls his eye and settles down to talk to Epona. After a while, she gallops off, and the Shade waits patiently for the boy to return.

When he does, something is different. Rather than drawing his sword as though hoping to cut him out of the air, the boy simply waits. When they arrive in the foggy sparring ground, he simply stands there, head down.

The Shade is admittedly curious. "Boy?"

The not-hero lets out an odd whimpering noise, as though holding back tears. The Shade steps forward and lifts his chin gently, forcing the boy to look him in the eye.

He's crying, silent tears rolling down his cheeks in a never-ending stream. "She doesn't remember me," he says quietly, and the heartbreak in his voice is agonising to hear. The Shade remembers returning to the forest after seven years, and finding that no one recognised him. It's a painful, lonely realisation, so rather than tell the boy to be strong and stop crying, as he'd considered doing, he rests a hand on his shoulder and nods his understanding.

"Who?"

"Ilia," the boy murmurs. "We've been best friends for almost a decade, and she doesn't-" He stops, burying his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. "It's not _fair_," he manages.

It's the one thing all the other wannabe-heroes failed to learn. It isn't fair. For the true heroes, the quest isn't fair, their duties aren't fair, _life_ isn't fair. One thing the Shade has learned over the years is that if it seems fair to you, you're not the hero.

"No," he says quietly in reply. "It isn't."

The boy looks up at him, face streaked with tears and blue eyes wide and desperate. "Why doesn't she remember me?" he asks desperately. The Shade can only shake his head in response.

Oh, the tangled web the Goddesses weave, for it's only now, crying like a child, that the boy becomes almost a man, almost a hero. The Shade can't help but hesitantly wrap his arms around the boy's shoulders, shifting his form to a copy of the appearance he bore when alive.

The almost-hero stiffens, then relaxes, burying his face in the once-hero's chest and sobbing until the tears stop flowing. Then he stays a moment longer, just catching his breath. The Hero of Time feels a sudden surge of protectiveness for the boy who, he knows, is being forced to grow up far too fast.

When he at last pulls away, he looks completely composed, although when the Shade looks closely, he can still see the last traces of tears. The boy's eyes widen upon seeing him. "You're-"

The once-hero can't help but smile. "The Hero of Time." He bows, not bothering to question why the boy knows him when the rest of the world has forgotten. "A pleasure."

The boy smiles faintly. "And I'm Link."

The Hero of Time nods. "Now, then. Prepare yourself!"

The brief respite from their respective duties has ended, and the training in the next hidden skill resumes.

Once the boy- Once _Link_ leaves, the Shade finds his thoughts drawn more and more in his direction, finds himself occasionally going out of his way to check on the boy, just to ensure he's alright. And it's then that he comes to a startling realisation. He never laughs. He rarely smiles.

The dear boy, the Shade decides, is altogether too serious. So he decides to make it his mission to make the boy laugh.

It… doesn't work very well. He gets the occasional half smile, several very odd looks, and a few coughs that could _almost_ be called chuckles with a bit of imagination, but that's it. The closest he gets is when the boy tells him that Ilia remembers him.

To be honest, the Shade can't help but wonder what the boy sees in her. And a part of him is sad. Link doesn't realise it yet, but this relationship, or whatever it is, won't last. After spending so long fighting constantly, he won't be able to settle down with someone who doesn't know what it is to fight for their life, to spend every moment with a sword in easy reach, to never know if they'll see another dawn… Though it won't be either of their faults, they will drift apart. Another ruined life, courtesy of the goddesses.

But for now he smiles, and joins Link in his celebration, remarking, mainly to himself, on how well he's done. The boy smiles wider than he's ever seen. The Shade finds himself feeling almost… jealous, that this girl makes the hero smile so easily. He won't begrudge him his happiness, though, so he smiles and draws his sword, reverting once more to a skeletal warrior and listening to the boy chatter on about Snowpeak and the Gerudo Desert, the Sacred Grove and his next location, the City in the Sky. The Shade makes a mental note to suggest that Sky drops his second clawshot there.

Link waves, this time, as he leaves, and the once-hero waves back. Then he settles down to wait once more. And he waits, and thinks, and plans. He knows that soon the howling stones will run out, and the hidden skills will all be taught, and then… what? He can't just fade away into the afterlife now; he wants to stay, to see what will become of his beloved Hyrule. And, he finds with some surprise, he doesn't want to leave Link to face the coming trials alone. He is the boy's mentor, he reasons, and it's his duty to guide him through his hardships. And when the hero's quest ends is when his real struggle begins, trying to find a place for himself in a world without a war to fight.

So he silently begs the goddesses to grant him this one thing, in thanks for the services he once performed in Hyrule and Termina. And he hopes that they'll allow him a few more years before his soul goes the rest of the way.

When Link returns for the last time, he seems… subdued. So, once the skill is taught, the Shade decides to keep him a little longer. "What's wrong, Link?"

The hero won't meet his gaze. "Once I leave… that's it, isn't it? You'll leave, and I won't ever see you again…"

The Shade shakes his head, stepping forward. "Perhaps, perhaps not. The truth is, my child, that not even I know what will happen once the last lesson is complete. Perhaps I'll move on. Perhaps I'll stay here. Perhaps I'll simply cease to exist. After five centuries, I have a certain level of equanimity for the whole thing."

The boy steps back, arms folded across his chest. "But I don't! I don't want you to go!"

The Shade is reminded, again, that this is only a boy forced to grow up too fast. "Link… to be honest, I don't particularly want to leave either. It's been pleasant, having someone to train. Reminds me of when I was young; I used to travel Hyrule, teaching garrisons swordplay."

"Like you teach me?" They sit, then, Link curled up against the Shade's side, as has become their habit over the long weeks of training. "Thought only our bloodline could learn this stuff."

"Well, it wasn't as… in-depth." Something, a little niggle in the back of his mind, warns him they're running out of time. "…Link. Can you make me a promise?"

The hero frowns, wrinkling his nose. "Promise?" he echoes uncertainly.

The Shade nods. "If I do end up staying… will you smile for me? Even just once?"

Link considers this for a long moment. "…If you stay, I'll do anything you like," he decides eventually.

Then he's gone, and the Shade waits for the war to end.

Months later he's still there, and he decides to do something he's never done before. He's going to leave the foggy sparring grounds, not as a wolf, but as a person. So he does, and he goes looking for Link.

In the end, though, Link finds him. Rumours must have spread of the man in green with one eye and straw-blond hair who otherwise looked exactly like their hero, and so Link, curious and perhaps a little hopeful, went looking. And so it is that one day, as the Shade sits in the field and thinks, he hears a very familiar voice.

"Shade?"

He looks up, and there's Link, smiling brighter than the sun. And he runs forward and throws himself into the older hero's arms with a warm laugh of pure joy. The Shade thinks he's never heard a lovelier sound in all his years. "Hello, Link," he says cheerily. "I see you kept your promise."

The hero laughs again. "You're here," he says. "I think I could smile for the rest of my life."

The Shade smiles. "Glad to hear it," he replies. "What are you planning to do with yourself now?"

Link shrugs, a faint smile playing over his lips. "No idea," he says happily. "Really, I'm just making it up as I go along. At least now I have company that can speak Common."

The insistence that the Shade is coming with him, while not said outright, is heavily implied. The once-hero smiles. "You realise I'm dead, right?"

Link grins. "Everyone dies. Give it sixty, seventy years and I'll be dead too."

The Shade shrugs, an unwilling smile tugging at his lips. "Well, I've waited this long. And the company is infinitely better this time."

Link laughs once more. And the Shade can't help but think in this moment that his biggest accomplishment is making him laugh.

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**It's decently long! Hell yeah!**

**…Like I said, Linkcest is a legit ship. And this can be taken as either romantic or platonic, so. Even if you just think of them as bros, it's fine.**

**Again, please review or PM me if you have any ideas for pairings or AUs, or even plotlines, because honestly I'm just making this up as I go. Also, if for some reason you want to write a continuation of one of these, please let me know! I'll probably let you as long as you give credit where credit is due, unless I'm planning on continuing it myself.**

_**Next time: Brooch****  
****It helps them find each other again.**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	3. Brooch

**I wanted Shink bromance, so this happened.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_3: Brooch__  
__It helps them find each other again_

"Here. Hold onto this for me."

That's what the little boy said, right before Link left for the Lost Woods, pressing a box into the young hero's hands. Then he'd left before Link could even ask his name.

Now Link's sitting on the roof of Stock-Pot Inn, listening to the buzz of conversation from the rooms below and turning the box over and over in his hands. He never opened it over those repeating three days; he's not entirely sure why. It was like a voice in his head, telling him to wait.

Now, though, the curiosity has reached a level where he can't stand just looking at the box and wondering anymore. So he slits the cord wrapped around the box and slides it open.

And nearly drops it, breath hissing between his lips.

It's a delicate little brooch in the shape of a weeping eye. A very familiar eye. The same one on that tabard Sheik wore everywhere…

Link bites back the pang of anger and regret at the thought of the Sheikah Zelda pretended to be and pins the brooch to his shirt. Then he heads back inside and sets to chattering with the patrons. Kafei grins at him, leaning on the counter. "Hey Link. Good to see you back. How was Great Bay?"

The hero nods absently, hopping up to sit on the counter. "Oh, you know… wet. The Zora are doing well."

"Hm. Pity about Mikau." Kafei eyes him curiously. The man knows that there are things Link hasn't told them, but he doesn't pry. Once he would have, but he knows Link won't tell him.

Link winces, absently running his fingers along his cheek. Lulu slapped him, when he told her Mikau was dead. The others had just been shocked. A part of him wishes he hadn't told them, had kept visiting wearing the Zora mask. But he can't live three lives. He told the Gorons about Darmani last week. They'd taken it… better than he'd expected. "It's amazing, how people deal with grief."

"…Yes," Kafei says absently. "Why do you say that?"

"Just a thought." Link glances over at his companion, idly rubbing the brooch on his collar. "Kafei?"

"Yes?"

"What do you know of the Sheikah?"

He shoots the blond a sharp look. "I know there's only three left. Or, there were, when I l- When I last checked." Kafei frowns, running a hand through purple hair. "Why do you ask?"

Link ignores the question. "The last time I was there, there was only one. Why do you say three?"

"Because there were three. Impa has two nephews." Another frown. "You never heard of any other Sheikah? There would've been a boy… a little younger than you. Blond hair, red eyes? Sheik?"

"Sheik?" Link breathes. "I thought Sheik was just Princess Zelda's alter-ego."

Kafei shakes his head. "So he allowed that, did he? That boy is too loyal for his own good." There's a note of affection in his voice.

Link frowns. "You know him. Are you friends?"

Kafei laughs. "Friends? Sheik's my brother."

"Brother?!" Link squeaks. "But- But he's from Hyrule, and you're from here, and- and-"

The purple haired man shrugs. "I got here the same way you did, about… oh, five, six years ago? Mayor Dotour decided taking me in would be his good deed for the week." He sighs. "Sheik probably doesn't even know I exist."

Link touches the brooch on his collar, thinking. Blond hair and red eyes… The boy who gave him the box was blond. The hero closes his eyes and thinks.

He can remember Sheik. The rest of his quest feels almost unreal now, like a dream, but Sheik is still vividly in his head. Blond hair that hid one red eye, tan skin, lips always hidden by his cowl… His voice was high, Link recalls, like birdsong, and when he smiled beneath the cowl the corner of his visible eye crinkled up a little. He was always there right when Link needed him, ready with a new song or some helpful information. He was light, too; Link remembers that from Bongo Bongo's attack on Kakariko. Now his imagination peels away seven years to replace the young man he met with a boy. A boy who looks remarkably like the one who gave him the box.

Link chuckles, flopping back against the counter. "I met him," he comments. "Maybe one day we can go back to Hyrule and look for him."

Kafei sighs. "If only. I spent years searching for a way out of Termina, a way home. I didn't mean to come here. As far as I can tell, that cavern in the tree is the only way of getting here. And there's no way to climb back up. Then I met Anju, and… I just stopped looking. Look, definitely, but… don't get your hopes up."

Link has never considered the fact he might be stuck in Termina. No, he can't be stuck. He's the Hero of Time, _Hyrule's_ hero! He can't be trapped in a separate world forever! He'll find a way out, no matter what!

He looks. He looks and looks for years, but there's no sign of another way out. And he grows up, ends up married to Romani with a little blonde girl he names Malon, but he never stops hunting. In fact, as he grows, his determination to return home only grows.

When he's twenty three, he strikes metaphorical gold.

It's a passageway, behind the Great Fairy's fountain in Clock Town. Right under his nose, this whole time. It gives off the same sense as the tree cavern did, but… different. It feels like home. So he calls Kafei, they convince Anju, Malon and Romani, and the five of them make their way through the passage.

He's right, it leads to Hyrule. To be more specific, it leads to the Great Fairy's fountain by Hyrule Castle. It's awfully convenient placement, they decide, and they go to say hello to Queen Zelda.

She greets them with polite nods, and hugs Link, asking him where he's been. It's hours before she convinces him to return to heroing and look around the mountains to the north. She also informs him that he's a noble, but that's not important to him. There's a gleam in her eyes that makes him wary, but he agrees anyway; after all, she's the queen.

So the five of them go to the mountains, and learn from a friendly yeti that the mountain is named Snowpeak. Link decides, while they're there, that Snowpeak would be quite a nice place to live, and they spend much of the rest of the way planning the grand mansion they'll build.

It's on the way back down that they run into trouble. White wolfos, far more graceful than the ones Link's fought before, leap from the snow, teeth bared. Link and Kafei draw their swords. Romani pulls out the pitchfork she brought with her. Anju pulls Malon over to a rock outcropping, drawing the dagger Kafei gave her.

Link strikes quickly, but the wolfos move quicker still, and the snow drags him down while they run lightly over the top. He can't fight them back fast enough-

"Link!"

Link spins around, just in time to see a wolfos sink its teeth into Romani's throat. She crumples, twitching, then goes limp. Link screams in rage, turning-

Pain. White-hot agony tears through the right side of his face as claws rake down. His right eye- Oh goddesses, he can't see through it! He doubles over, covering his ruined eye, blood running between his fingers. He screams.

"Link!" Hands grab his shoulders. "We have to get out of here! Link!"

"Romani," he manages.

"She's gone!" a voice he recognises as Kafei's replies. "Link, we have to get out of here!"

"No!" he wails, moving his hands. He looks horrifying, he's sure, blood dripping down his face, one eye destroyed. "I won't leave her!"

Kafei grabs his wrists. "And what about your daughter?" he hisses. "Don't make your daughter lose both parents in one day!"

Link nods and staggers after them, one hand covering his eye, the other curling over the Sheikah eye brooch on his collar.

Howls. More wolfos. Link curses, drawing his sword. His depth perception's gone, he can't see a thing on his right side, he'll be dead in seconds, but dammit he'll go down fighting!

Then there's yelps and hands around his wrist, and he's being dragged somewhere. He feels himself falling, and hands catching him, and then Link is gone.

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"Nngh…"

Something soft is pressed against his eyelid, Link notes hazily. He moves to sit up, but gentle hands stop him. "Lie still, Hero. You need to rest; you're badly injured."

The voice is… vaguely familiar. It's not Anju, Kafei, Malon or Romani… Oh goddesses, Romani is- But he can't make himself think of her right now, he's tired and in pain and he doesn't want to think. "My eye-"

The cloth touches his eyelid again. "…There is no easy way to say this. It's… gone, Hero. There was no way to save it."

Gone. The word echoes hollowly in his head. He's half blind now. Forever. "The others…?"

"Are fine," the voice replies. "They're worried about you."

"Take me to them," Link says quietly.

"Alright," the voice replies. "Can you open your left eye? Don't try to open your right, understand?"

Link nods, carefully sliding his left eye open. He smiles faintly. "I knew I'd find you eventually," he murmurs. "Hello, Sheik."

The young Sheikah smiles. "You're lucky you had the brooch I gave you," he comments. "I enchanted it so I could find it; for ages I couldn't. Then it showed up again, so I came here." He glances away. "I'm sorry about that woman… and your eye. If I'd been a little faster…"

Link shakes his head. "It's not your fault." Then a thought strikes him. "How are you so _young_? You look to be… what, eleven, twelve? And now that I think about it, Zelda looked really young as well! What's going on?"

Sheik shrugs uncertainly. "I guess wherever you were, time moved faster than it did here?" He shifts. "You… said you wanted to see the others. Come on; I'll take you there."

He takes Link's hand, guiding him carefully through a door the hero hadn't noticed before. "He's awake," Sheik announces, leading the other to a chair and leaning against the wall.

Kafei, Anju and Malon walk over in a flurry of worried questions and quiet condolences. Link spends quite a while assuring them that, while he misses Romani and he hasn't adjusted to only one eye, he's fine, yes, he'll adjust in time, they needn't worry.

And he does. Years pass; they all grow older, Link's mansion on Snowpeak is finished, they move in. They live out their lives there, the five of them, happy and safe and far from the kingdom of Hyrule, though they often visit.

Sheik and Link become as close as they were in the timeline that the hero left behind, if not closer. And they know they'll always be able to find each other again, as long as Link has the brooch.

When Link eventually dies, Sheik hides the brooch in the living room, hidden in the mantelpiece. And then it stays there, gathering dust, for centuries, until one day a blond swordsman pulls it out looking for his friend, and the story starts again.

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**It's so shiiiiit.**

**Guess what story this ties into. *coughs***

**Aaaanyways, that's week three! So I'll be going now.**

_**Next time: Comet**__**  
**__**It's been said that there's always a comet when the hero is born**_**.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	4. Comet

**Comets are pretty.**

**This chapter is kinda special in that it covers the three main Links of the child timeline (SS, OoT, and TP), plus the Ancient Hero from the Skyward Sword manga. Y'know, the one who died a horrible death. In my personal view of the LoZ afterlife, they're like… those people who stand in the corner at parties and mutter to themselves. Except, instead of muttering, they're sparring. And occasionally dying- I mean what.**

**I'll explain that later. Maybe. Basically, they're bros. The most elite club ever, because you have to be a dead hero to qualify. *coughs* Anyway, you lot probably don't care, so I'll just get going.**

**Disclaimed.****  
**  
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_4: Comet__  
__It's been said there's always a comet when the hero is born._

The first time, it's a coincidence.

He grows up hearing the story of the red comet that blazed through the sky the night he was born. He looks for it every year on his birthday; his father takes him up to the roof and they scour the skies for any trace of red. Once or twice he's sure he sees it, but it moves too fast for him to show anyone. Link never proves it, but he knows it's there.

When he grows older, he drapes a red scarf over his green tunic. His friends say he looks flashy. He just smiles and returns to work. He's the hero of Hylia's lands, and when he walks past the old wives in the city, they always murmur that there's a touch of destiny about that. He doesn't know about that, but he knows he's the best at what he does, so he smiles and thanks them.

Then he's framed and arrested, locked away in the dungeons, far from the sky he loves so much. Perhaps the touch of destiny isn't all it's cracked up to be.

He's locked down there for years, growing bitter and angry. All his work, all his effort, all the blood he's spilt in the defense of this land, all the scars he's gained, and on the word of a pompous noble who's never made the slightest effort for his homeland he's suddenly branded a traitor?

Oh, how he _hates_ them in those days. He curses everything; his home, his friends, his enemies, the nobles, the commoners. Then one day, he curses the comet.

It's that day that he's released from his cell and sent back to fight, the raw marks on his wrists from the cuffs still clearly visible. He can see the shame in their eyes whenever his sleeves shift back. To be honest, he takes a sort of twisted pleasure in it. Vengeance of a sort, for those long, lonely years chained to a wall.

When the goddess first appears on her red Loftwing, he thinks it's his comet come to life. It's not, but it's a chance. A chance to prove himself, to escape the shame of imprisonment. He takes it.

And when he falls and his eyes close for the last time, he sees the Loftwing circling the column of light, and he smiles.

Perhaps his comet came back after all.

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The next time, it's a surprise.

Skyloft doesn't get many comets. 'Not many' meaning 'none'. Sure, there are one or two, but there's often a gap of a thousand years or more. Which is what makes Link so special.

He's the only person in all of Skyloft who can say he was born by the light of a comet. Zelda always says that means he's destined for great things. He's not so sure. All he seems to have is a predilection for getting in trouble.

Today is a good example. So far, he's been lectured by Instructor Owlan, mocked by Strich and Cawlin, chased by Groose, and nearly pushed off a diving platform by Zelda. She _knows_ he doesn't have a bird!

It's embarrassing, really. The ceremony was this morning, which means he should get a bird at some point today. All the ten year olds take part in the ceremony at sunrise, then return to the Statue of the Goddess to show off their newfound companions at sunset. So far, it seems like everyone but him has already found their bird, and there's less than an hour left.

So here he is, settled on an out of the way ledge, praying that the Goddess sees fit to send him a bird. He doesn't care what it looks like or how big it is; he just wants to fly. He glances up in hope whenever he sees a shadow or hears the flutter of wings, but it's always in vain.

Then there's a rasping screech, and he glances up once more. There's a blur of colour, and a shadow on the ground-

Then nothing. Link sighs, glancing down at his feet. It's then that it lands.

It's impossible. Completely impossible. Crimson Loftwings are an old wives' tale! They aren't real! But here he is, a beautiful, powerful, amber-eyed creature with plumage the colour of fresh blood on rubies. Link steps forward hesitantly, looking into his eyes.

'Hello; I've been waiting a long time for you.' That's what he feels the Loftwing is saying to him. He smiles, cautiously resting a hand on the Loftwing's bill. The creature purrs softly, leaning into his touch. Link grins, backing up towards the nearest diving platform. That's how this works, after all. If you think you've found your bird, you jump off the platform, whistle, and pray to the Goddess you're right.

So that's what Link does. And the crimson Loftwing soars beneath and catches him. Link whoops, and they _fly_. Just fly. The thought strikes him that this is his comet.

The Loftwing is amused by that thought. Link grins, whooping, focusing on the feeling of weightlessness that comes with being completely disconnected from the ground. And he flies to the statue and grins proudly as Pipit congratulates him and Zelda hugs him, making sure to smirk smugly at Groose over her hair.

The Loftwing shoves him in a silent reprimand for his—well-deserved—smugness.

Years pass, and he finds himself on the Surface without his Loftwing. But when his quest is over, he glances up at the sky as the bird returns to Skyloft without him, and he thinks of how he loves to fly.

But even so, he lets his comet go.

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The third time, it's beautiful.

Link doesn't grow up with tales of his comet, unlike his predecessors. It's a brief mention from the Great Deku Tree every now and again, and that's it. Usually, these occasions coincide with the times Link asks why he doesn't have a fairy, as though stories of a pretty light in the sky can make up for that deficit.

It's a nice story, regardless, so he tolerates it. It becomes his return shot when Mido insults his lack of a fairy. After all, everyone has a fairy, but only he has a comet. So he grins and bears it for nine long years.

Then he's off to save the world. And when time bends around him and he's sealed away, he swears he sees a flicker of red. It's a lovely colour, and he clings to that image all throughout his quest.

And then, five hundred years later, a skeletal warrior glances up at the sky one cool evening and sees a flash of red as a comet crosses the sky. And he smiles.

The torch has been passed on.

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The last time, it's legend.

The Hero of Twilight, unlike his predecessors, doesn't find out about his comet until his seventeenth year. This is likely in large part due to being a young orphan raised, not by a wise tree or those who were present at his birth, but by villagers who aren't his by birth, who don't even know the exact day of his birth. Nor does he, and while this vexes him, he tolerates it, for there's nothing he can do about it.

For his seventeenth birthday, Shad, knowing how curious the young hero is about his birth family, enlists Queen Zelda's aid in uncovering said teenager's past.

As it turns out, Link is a noble, part of the same house as the ancient Hero of Time; he knows this, although in the records he is merely Link. His birth date is scrawled on an official document, along with his disappearance, following an attack by bandits that left him the sole remaining member of his house.

Zelda, glancing at the date, mentions in passing that there was a comet that day. It's Shad who informs him that those born under the red comet's light seem predestined to become heroes.

Link grins. And perhaps he sees a little flicker of red out of the corner of his eye as he turns, but he says nothing.

And one day, the last of his long life, he steps outside and watches the sky glow red. Then he smiles, closes his eyes, and allows the hero's spirit to drift off again until the next time the comet calls it into service.

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**It's a bit rushed, I know. Sorry. But I was running out of time to finish, and I panicked. I'll do better next time, I promise.**

_**Next time: Threat**__**  
**__**What else could he be but a threat?**_

**(Help me, I don't know what to write.)**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	5. Threat

**I know I said this would be better than last week's. I lied. If anything, it's worse.**

**And I know it's late, yes. I was at Anime North yesterday, and by the time I got back all I wanted to do was collapse into bed. So I did. For those of you who don't know, Anime North is a big convention we have here in Canada. It was really cool. I went to J. Michael Tatum's panel.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_  
__Threat__  
__What else could he be but a threat?_

The first thought through Demise's head is that this hero will fall just as quickly as the last. After all, this one doesn't even have years of experience and strength to guide his attacks; how dangerous can he possibly be?

Well, maybe the hero hasn't got much experience or strength, but he has raw determination and desperation behind every strike, and maybe, just maybe, Demise was a little hasty in deciding he was harmless.

But he's not a threat, no matter what Ghirahim says. And he remains not-a-threat until Demise breaks the seal and the brat seals him back up. Even then, Demise won't admit it. He's maybe-an-inconvenience, kind-of-tricky, but not a threat, never a threat.

It remains that way right up until the end, when Demise faces him with his full power and the boy tears him apart, and only then does the Demon King admit that maybe, just maybe, the hero was a threat all along. Maybe, possibly.

Ghirahim finds that funny, locked with him within the Master Sword. When asked, his reply is simple.

_"Of course the hero was a threat. That's what he's born to be."_

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It's always the same story. Link is… an anomaly. He can't be planned for, and he can't even really be stopped. If he fails, there's always another hero around the corner.

He's always there, too. Just around the bend, always just out of sight, but always present. Even if evil follows him like a shadow, he's always, _always_ there to threaten it, push it away again.

It's like a song he can't stop singing, he—they?—whispers in the in-between times, in the darkness of the void when there's no body to cradle the never-dying spirit that they—the lot of them—always carry. He is the threat, that's all he's ever been and all he'll ever be, and if he's bitter about that fact no one cares to listen.

There have been times in the dark of night while the body sleeps that the spirit awakens fully and thinks to himself—or maybe it's themselves, who knows anymore—that maybe this time he'll live and die in peace. The souls that make up the spirit weave around the newest body and whisper soft prayers that this one will be spared, but he never is. And, oh, how they want to leave the world to burn, but they daren't, they daren't, this is their duty and their life and they can't escape it no matter what.

They're a threat, yes, but not only to those they fight against. No, they're a threat to themselves as well. Fiery and determined to the core, they continue to force the body onwards until it gives and its soul joins their numbers.

The hero's spirit…

The stories speak of it as a singular entity, but that is far from true. The hero's spirit is the tangled strings that are the souls of all who have ever borne it, built around the sealed spirit of a god. They are proud of their heritage, of course; with their—spiritual—bloodline, they are something to be marveled at. But at the same time…

At the same time, they're ever so _tired_. To be trapped on one side of the wall beyond the living world and beyond, with no way to speak with any but your fellow heroes, isn't a fate they would wish on anyone. Except Hylia, occasionally, or Demise, often. Or sometimes everyone in Hyrule and the heavens, when they're feeling really, _really_ bitter.

Which is, to be perfectly frank, unnervingly often. As heroes, they should adore their country and goddesses no matter what. But they don't.

Oh, they hate-hate-_hate_ them! Sometimes. Often.

Always.

And still the _drip-drip-drip_ of their blood falls away into silence for the princess, time and time again.

Zelda, Zelda, it's always Zelda! Descendant of Hylia in blood and spirit, and therefore much better than the hero who protects her. The soul of a mad god that gathers his successors close and murmurs the old stories to them, reminds them of how they've been used, time and time again, until they snap and scream and hammer at the walls that have been set in place by the goddesses to keep them from interfering.

They're ever so angry, vengeful spirits so strong that when the newest body enters a room the furniture is pushed up against the walls by their strength. They sing for recompense and release, and they get an even tighter prison. And they _shriek_. The body curls up at night and _sobs_ from the agony they bring, and maybe he already knows that Ganondorf is no longer the threat.

They are.

He is.

He tears the Evil King apart with his bare hands. Zelda stares at him in shock and horror, and he smiles and bows politely, blood still _drip-drip-drip_ping from his skin.

The souls whisper to him and drive him away from those he loves. They condition him the same way the goddesses did, a constant stream of words that he can't quite hear, but he listens all the same. He listens, and understands, and agrees.

They smile and use him to tear the world apart.

For the bearer of Courage to do such a thing… It tears the fabric of reality apart, creates cracks throughout their world, rips the Triforce to shreds. The souls shriek in joy at their accomplishments and watch the princess run. Then they let the body go and live out his life in a ruined world. Is that cruel? Yes. But surely… surely now, they are free.

Except… not.

Many long, lonely years later, they find themselves in the form of a cowardly little boy called Ravio who travels to another world and meets a hero who was never corrupted. And they're oh so _jealous_, but Ravio _adores_ him, and maybe the hero's spirit isn't so easily corrupted after all.

They set up a shop to help him, and they're pleased when he uses it. And they have Ravio help in what little ways they can, and he does.

They can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, now they can stop being a threat. Maybe their bodies will have courage again.

Maybe they can stop being Lorule's threat, and return to being its saviour.

And maybe then they can rest.

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**So that… happened.**

**Yeah, my version of Lorule's history is that the hero got tired of saving it and destroyed it instead, having gone completely nuts. It's weird, but I like it anyways (I really don't know what happened here).**

**Next time will be better. And on time. Cross my heart.**

_**Next time: Sand**__**  
**__**The sands of time are all but run.**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	6. Sand

**Oni~!**

**…Shut up. He counts.**

**This fits in to the same chronology as Unknown Soldiers, where Oni's an insane god. Because I enjoy writing nutcases.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_6: Sand__  
__The sands of time are all but run._

He's in the desert when Din first mentions it.

It's a casual enough thing, just a passing comment about the need for a fourth piece, so that the name Tetraforce makes sense. He's certain his heart skips a beat or six at the thought, because even then he knows that _one of them will make it_. Either powerful Demise, or wise Hylia, or… him. Brave little Oni, the war god.

Maybe it's his imagination, but looking back on it later, it feels as though something in the back of his mind purred _I must make it_, and that was that. If he could go back, maybe he'd tell Din straight out that he had no interest in that sort of thing, but hindsight is 20/20, as they say, and at the time he tells her it seems intriguing.

It seems that she takes him seriously, nodding and telling him that perhaps they'll get back to him on it. And it's then that the hourglass is flipped and the sands begin to run.

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It turns out that he, the youngest of the younger three, is the one to make the last piece of the Tetraforce. He's determined to make it perfect; so determined, in fact, that he pours a part of his very soul into it, imbuing it with his own immortal power. In return, it will allow no one but him to truly use its power.

Is that deliberate? Maybe. He's never been sure. In any case, he works hard, giving it the abilities he's dreamed up. The Triforce of Time…

When he shows it to Farore, his patron, she's overjoyed. They all are, in fact; the Golden Goddesses praise his skill, Demise and Hylia fawn over their baby brother, and the few humans that see fall to their knees in awe. Oni decides he likes this.

Farore suggests he hold onto his piece of the Tetraforce, and he agrees happily. They'll regret this choice, in time, but for now they're all pleased with each other and themselves, and they're happy.

Oni places the Triforce of Time in his breastplate, using its power to make him even more formidable than he already is. He can manipulate time itself! No mortal warrior is a match for him!

He shows his oldest and best friend, Majora, and the demon admires it with him. The others would say that showing a demon something so powerful is a terrible idea, but Oni trusts Majora; they're best friends, so why would he not?

His trust in his friend is well placed. In his siblings? …Not so much.

It's Hylia who orders him to kill Majora. When he refuses, she goes to the Golden Goddesses, and they force him to. He hates it. He hates _them_. But what is he supposed to do? He's the 'guard dog' of the goddesses, and he can't deny them. So he takes the form of a human and cuts his best friend down like a blade of grass. But he does something else, as well; he seals the demon's spirit away in a very special mask made from the remnants of his armour. He gives this mask to the people who worship Majora as a god, and tells them to take very good care of it.

They do. Oni begins to plan. It doesn't matter to him that they're his siblings and patrons; they made him murder his best friend, and they'll suffer for it. So, when Demise casually mentions that _maybe_ the Golden Goddesses don't have their best interests in mind, Oni agrees quietly, then informs Hylia. When she displays utter horror at the thought, he agrees with her as well. All great warriors have at least a basic understanding of strategy, and Oni is one of the best.

He continues his work, playing both sides at once, never letting on to either sibling that he's working with the other as well. And maybe the Golden Goddesses know, but they don't interfere. So he keeps going. And if he occasionally finds himself giggling madly, unable to stop, what of it? This is something worth laughing about.

When Demise strikes, knocking Hylia to the floor and storming out, Oni waves, grins, and follows, ignoring his sister's screams. He skips up beside Demise and leans against his side with a smile, and asks what they'll do now.

Demise, fool that he is, tells his _precious baby brother_ everything.

Oni continues to plan, easily tearing Hylia's forces apart. But there's also… little things, here and there. A squad sent to just the wrong place. Just enough human soldiers left alive to free their comrades. And, occasionally, a battalion or two that just… disappears. Demise assumes they've deserted. Oni nods in agreement and brushes the remnants of monster dust from his fingers.

The sands are running faster through the hourglass now, but he doesn't know that. All he knows is they're suffering, all of them, like he did when he watched his friend collapse.

And he keeps going, on and on. But when they eventually do face Hylia, both his siblings side against him. They decide he's mad, and they work together to lock him away in a mask. He can, at least, appreciate the irony. But to add insult to injury, Hylia uses his spirit to make _her_ champion.

That's so wrong it burns. He's not her champion! He doesn't want to be! He's not her property, he's not he's not he's not-

And then he's… someone else, and he can't… quite… remember…

The sand's all gone from the hourglass now, and Oni is, for all intents and purposes, dead.

And yet.

There are days when the hero seems a little… off, a little more than human. And one day he stands before a demon trying to bring down the moon, and the demon gives him a mask.

_"The ogre must wear the ogre's mask."__  
_  
And then he's not the hero anymore. He's a god again, and _oh how he's missed this_! He doesn't want to take the mask off, never never ever, but he can feel it scorching at his skin already. When he beats Majora and tugs off the mask, there's blood beading around his eyes and trickling down his cheeks, and he can't quite recall why he kept it on for so long.

He knows there was a reason, but he can't-

So he finds a safe place for the mask to sit and wait for a stronger hero than he, and the hourglass turns over again. In fact, looking back on it, maybe it never ran out at all.

The sands of time flow ever on. And the Lord of Time? Well, who really knows, in the end.

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**IT'S SO SHORT.**

**Ah well. At least it's on time.**

_**Next time: Exile**__**  
**__**Being chased from your home is a lonely thing.**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	7. Exile

**This one… I made up as I went along. So right now, writing this note, I have no idea what'll happen. Well, that's half the fun anyway.**

**I do have a plot, kind of. And guess what? It's sort of an AU! I'm finally leaving the in game plot! Well, I guess 6 and 5 are kinda AUs too, but they don't count.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_7: Exile__  
__Being chased from your home is a lonely thing._

Clip, clop, clip, clop.

Link is barely staying upright in Epona's saddle, eyes drifting shut time and again, only to jerk open just in time for him to keep himself from tumbling from the saddle.

"Woah there, girl," he murmurs eventually, voice hoarse and scratchy from disuse as he finally gives into his exhaustion and reins her in. The mare snorts, shaking her head and stomping. Link chuckles softly, patting her neck. "I know."

When he dismounts, it's only his grip on the saddle that keeps him from collapsing instantly. He hisses, carefully adjusting himself to slide down a nearby tree and sit at the base. Epona whinnies irritably, reminding her rider that she's still saddled. Link nods sleepily. "I know, I know… Just give me a minute…"

It takes five, ten minutes before he manages to haul himself to his feet and remove the heavy saddle, then the bridle and reins, and drag them deeper into the bushes. Epona follows, nickering in concern. The once-hero waves a hand airily. "'m fine, girl. Don't worry about it…"

Link sighs, curling up and shutting his eyes. He slides into his memories immediately.

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_No. No, this is all wrong. Run! Have to run, find-Midna-find-Zelda-find-the-kids-find-the-Group, and don't stop, don't hesitate, have-to-find-them-have-to-save-them-_

_And blood, blood everywhere, and everything-is-wrong because Midna isn't supposed to bleed and oh-Thrice-oh-Thrice-what-to-do, because heroics only go so far and once someone's gone that's it._

_And then there's a hand on his scruff and the Evil King hauls him up to look him in the eye, their faces much too close together. "Run, little hero. Run!"_

_And he does. He's ashamed to say it, but he's lost, and he who fights and runs away does live to fight another day, so he runs and runs and doesn't look back until Hyrule is far behind him._

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That leads to the current moment, jolting upright with tears streaming down his cheeks, one hand crammed into his mouth to block out a scream. There's blood in his mouth where he's bitten down, and Epona nudges him carefully. Link uncurls carefully, taking a shuddering breath to steady himself.

He'll come back. That's the only thought that keeps him going, as days turn into weeks, turn into months, turn into years. He tells himself every day that when he's strong enough, he'll come back.

It's a lie, really. He's staying far, _far_ away from Hyrule, because he's scared. He's scared that, if he goes back, he'll just lose again. It's no fun, being a failure.

He's twenty three by the time he works up the courage to return, a haggard young man in ragged clothes with a gleaming sword on his back. No one seems to recognise him when he returns to Hyrule; to test this theory, he visits Ordon.

It's a nerve-racking experience. As he dismounts from Epona, unsaddles her, and turns her loose in the woods by the spring, as he steps into the village, every second he's certain that someone will recognise him, call him out for the coward he is. It only grows worse when a teenager he eventually recognises as Colin steps forward to greet him.

Well, greet may be too kind a word.

"What do you want? We don't welcome strangers here."

Link bows, trying to unobtrusively adjust the wide-brimmed hat he wears to hide his telling blue eyes. "I mean no harm," he murmurs, hoping he doesn't sound as desperate and exhausted as he feels. "All I ask is a place to spend the night. I have no money, but I'm happy to help out however I can…"

Colin considers this for a long second. "I'll have to ask our mayor," he says eventually. "Come with me."

Link tries, he really does. But he's battered and well past the point of exhausted, wounded and bloodied and three quarters dead. He's been doing what he does best: Pushing himself until he's on the verge of collapse, and not stopping. He's been running on pure willpower and luck for weeks now, and now, having found a place where he's sure he's safe…

He barely makes it three feet before he crumples to the ground, blood pooling on the ground from a wound in his side that must have reopened in the fall. He hears Colin yelling and running feet, then sinks into darkness.

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"Mmm…"

"Oh! You're awake!"

It takes a few seconds for Link to realise that he's lying in a bed. His bed, he notes with some surprise a moment later. Ilia—at least, he assumes it's her—is sitting beside him. "Who're you…?"

"I'm Ilia," she says quietly. "And you?"

Link thanks his lucky stars that his sand-blond hair has been stained brown by dirt, and seven years of hiding in constant fear have, apparently, changed his appearance enough that the villagers don't recognise him. He's not sure whether to be pleased or upset by that.

"I'm… Shade," he says, choosing the first name that pops into his head. "What is this place?" He sits up cautiously, grabbing his hat from the floor and tugging it back over his hair.

"Ordon Village," comes the reply. "Can you get up? I should introduce you to our mayor."

"Right, of course." He stops himself from saying he can go on his own, and stands up instead. Then he freezes. "My sword…"

"Sorry, what?" Ilia asks uncertainly.

"My sword! Where's my sword?" The Master Sword has been a comforting weight on his back for seven years, and to suddenly be without its presence is nearly panic-inducing. "What did you do with my sword?!"

Ilia steps back. "You don't need it while you're here," she says, trying to sound assertive. "We will hold onto it until you leave."

"No, you don't understand! I need it! It's my responsibility to keep it with me at all times, I'm not supposed to let anyone else so much as touch it, ever!" He trusts them, of course he does, but the Master Sword is only for him to wield! In fact- "Did it… burn anyone?"

Ilia looks taken aback. "…Yes," she replies cautiously. "Did you enchant it to do that?"

Link shakes his head, chuckling. "I'm no mage. It merely reacted as it was designed to."

The door opens at this moment, and Colin steps in. He's holding a wooden bow that Link vaguely remembers making for him at one point, when he'd worked himself to collapse and Renado insisted he stay in Kakariko for a while. "I heard yelling. What's going on?"

Link forces himself to smile reassuringly. "A minor disagreement. Nothing important."

Ilia nods her agreement, and Colin relaxes. "Mayor Bo wishes to see you, Mister…?"

"Shade," Link says calmly. "Nice bow, by the way. Looks a bit old, though… A gift, perhaps?"

Colin shoots him a suspicious look. "…Yes. From a… dear friend. I'm holding onto it… At least until he comes back."

"Back?" Link echoes. "He's gone?"

Ilia nods. "He's gathering his strength and training somewhere, until he's strong enough to challenge the Evil King."

The hero wants to reveal his identity right there. But then Fado walks by. He spits. "That bastard isn't coming back! He abandoned us!"

Perhaps he'll wait. Just a little longer.

It's three months of easy living after that. Bo agrees that he can stay if he pulls his weight, and Link finds himself living in his old house. As Shade, he doesn't have anywhere near the same authority he had as Link, but he's well-liked enough, and he rekindles his old friendships easily. He passes himself off as a traveling carpenter and goatherd, and fits easily into life. Eventually, he finds himself being sent along the three day path to Kakariko, and he talks happily with Renado, Luda, and Malo. If they suspect, they don't say anything.

But then the three months come to an end, and Ganondorf comes to the village himself. He asks for the hero.

As the villagers panic, Link pulls Ilia aside and asks for his sword. She nods, and takes him to the storehouse where they hid the Master Sword. Then he steps forward and holds the blade high.

"Here!"

Ganondorf smirks at him. "So I was right. You did come here."

"Shade?" Colin asks uncertainly.

Link turns to him and smiles sadly. "Sorry, everyone. I wasn't… entirely honest." He turns back to the Evil King. "You wanted a hero. Well, here I am. Do you want to fight or what?" The Triforce glows warmly and he grins.

The Gerudo's laughter is jarring, but Link merely narrows his eyes and leaps, instinctively grabbing onto the magic of the wolf stone. He lands with claws out and fangs bared, and he digs deep into the King's throat. Ganondorf throws him off and makes a gesture that tears away the wolf.

He's _Link_ again. Not the shadow of a hero that he's been for seven years, but _Link_. The green tunic that was torn to shreds years ago is restored and pristine, and his hair falls loose around his face, clean and sand-blond for the first time in Farore-knows-how-long. The Master Sword glows brighter than it has in years.

He ignores the startled noises from behind him, and attacks.

It's frantic and hurried, without the time to use the skills the Hero of Time taught him. Instead, he merely swings and dodges as fast and hard as he can. His shield was broken as he fled Hyrule, and he never got around to replacing it; all he can do is pray none of Ganondorf's strikes connect.

It's the untamable savagery of a wolf and the desperate strength of someone who's been exiled from his home for far too long that power his strikes. Each one connects, some glancing off his armour or sword, some barely scratching him. But some cut deep, and Link doesn't even pretend that he doesn't relish the howls of pain.

He forces the Gerudo to the ground and stabs him through the heart. Then—knowing as he does that the Evil King won't die so easily—he removes his head. Quick and clean, and definite.

He turns, blood dripping from the Master Sword, small wounds he didn't even notice getting beginning to sting. He smiles at the village he's known from birth, and he knows it's shaky, but that's fine. "I'm back," he says quietly.

And, as it turns out, that's all he ever needed to say.

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**I feel he killed Ganondorf a bit too easily… Please don't complain, I'm stressed enough as it is.**

**Speaking of stress, the hellhole that is exams starts on Monday. Wish me luck!**

_**Next time: Hour**__**  
**__**It's their one chance to forget responsibilities.**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	8. Hour

**I was watching Hat Films do GTA V jet races, and I thought, 'hey, why the hell not?'**

**(This is why I should never be allowed on the internet. Ever.)**

**Also, Shink. All the Shink. And a proper AU!**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**8: Hour**__**  
**__**It's their one chance to forget responsibilities.**_

"Fighter, incoming!"

Link nods, even though he knows Sheik can't see him. "Got it."

"On your six- Look out!" His partner's own jet whizzes by overhead, laying down covering fire. Link swerves aside quickly, diving down among the buildings as his opponent pulls up and out of range. "Dammit Hero, be careful!"

"Sorry!" He pulls up, just high enough to avoid the power lines. "You alright?"

"Fine. Get back up here!"

"On it!" Link pulls up higher, rising up above the buildings. "Okay, where are you-? Holy shit!"

It takes all his skill to swerve away from the dogfighting aircraft before they collide. "Watch it, Shadow!"

"Working on it! Now, stop distracting me!" The words are accompanied by a particular vicious swerve and roll as Sheik dodges away from a hail of gunfire. "A little help would be appreciated!"

"Coming!"

It's a well-rehearsed dance. They're dogfighters, after all; flight school, well-honed reflexes and expert marksmanship have made the two of them the best of the best. And working as a team? They're more than graceful. They're indescribable.

Even so… the constant fighting is a bit- difficult. It's hard, never knowing whether the next time you take off will be the last. It's a dangerous line of work, no matter how good you are…

"Hero!"

Sheik's warning drags Link back into the real world just in time for him to shoot up out of range of the gunfire aimed towards him. "Shit! That was close!"

"Pay attention, idiot!" Sheik snaps, looping up and around to return fire. Several bullets catch the opposing pilot in the chest and he slumps, plane spiraling towards the ground. Sheik winces. "I really hope that doesn't hit anyone."

Link chuckles, turning to fly slow circles above the city. "Hey, Shadow."

"Yeah?"

"Let's take a break. An hour off? Fly around a bit, get something to eat…"

He can hear his partner's amusement when the reply comes. "Just so we're clear, are you asking me out?"

Link hesitates. "…Not exactly. What would you say?"

A soft breath sends a wave of static over the line. "If you were… I'd say that sounds like fun."

"Will you go flying with me, then?"

Sheik's grin is clear in his voice. "Sounds like fun."

So they fly, racing each other around the buildings and through the wind farm, courting disaster with each impossibly sharp turn, spinning in circles and seeing who can dive lower before pulling up. Then they land on some unspoken signal, and Link drives them to some out-of-the-way cafe, where, with any luck, their boss won't see them skiving off work.

Of course, Lady Luck has never graced them on the ground, so they find themselves hiding between the dumpsters, trying not to giggle like schoolboys as Zelda strides past.

It's the perfect ending to a day of destruction and mayhem, and they find themselves doing it again and again. Whenever they have any spare time, they take an hour to fly and get lunch and talk about mundane things, family and the weather. They often chat about Link's twin, Dark, who introduced them back in flight school; he's overseas now, serving in… Iraq, they think, but his post changes so often it's hard to keep track. Sheik talks about his Aunt Impa, one of the best instructors in the school and a damn good dogfighter herself.

It's gentle and calm and a nice change from their hectic schedules. It's not dating, exactly, even if it's close. Even if Link insists on paying or Sheik allows the other to hold the doors for him and drive him home, it's not dating.

They continue not-dating for three years. Then one day something goes wrong and Sheik is shot down. He leaps out and parachutes to safety, of course, but when Link obliterates the bastard who took the shot and lands easily near the smouldering wreckage he's shaking in shock with a bullet in his leg. They get him back on his feet and replace his jet, of course, but their job is no longer a danger-free game to them; suddenly it's far more real, because _Oh Farore he could have died, he almost died._

Link suggests they go flying. Sheik agrees, if only out of habit, and they spend an hour flying, racing through the wind farm, not quite clipping anything, although there's a few close calls. It's like old times.

They land and go to their usual cafe. They're laughing and joking like they used to, and it's just like normal. Or, like normal used to be.

Sheik chuckles warmly, tilting his head to the side slightly. "This… has been fun," he admits quietly.

"Well, don't force yourself," Link jokes.

The other blond grins. "I won't," he assures his friend. "In all seriousness, though, it's been the best fun I've had in weeks."

"Aw, you're making me blush," Link replies.

Sheik rolls his eyes. "Will you stop? I'm trying to be serious!"

Link grins. "Sorry, Sheiky."

Sheik sighs. "Look, Link. This has been really fun… and… I'd like to do it more often. Like, not just when we're skiving off work."

The older blond raises an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting we go out… _outside_ of work?"

"Only if you want to."

Link grins. "You know what I think?"

"What?" Sheik asks cautiously.

"Sounds like fun."

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**It's so shiiiiit…**

**Give me a break, I have exams. I'm sure a lot of you understand that, right? I'm tired and stressed, so it's kinda rushed. Next week will be better. Hopefully.**

_**Next time: Paddock**_

_**For them it's just a place. For her, it's home.**_

**Those of you who either have read my Hetalia stuff or don't care about blatant self-promotion can skip this section, but I did a thing on FictionPress! Links are deleting themselves no matter what I do, so I'll put one on my profile. You don't have to look, but… please?**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	9. Paddock

**And now Epona. Because Epona.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_9: Paddock__  
__For them it's just a place. For her, it's home._

She hears the two-legs-no-fur-humans talking about her home. They call it a _paddock_, one of their odd, meaningless words. But that's what the nice-round-human and the red-hair-nice-voice-human call it, so that's what she thinks it is. And it's warm-safe-good-home, to her, but that's fine, everyone has their own names for things in their own tongues.

And then a boy appears, a kind-warm-familiar-unknown-scary-reassuring-human that she does and doesn't know. He knows the song, and he plays it beautifully, and she listens, and memorises his scent and face so that she'll know him when next he comes.

Then he leaves, but comes back to visit occasionally. Each time, he plays the nice-familiar-song and she comes to him, and sometimes he stands on his toes and wraps short arms around her neck, and sometimes he just runs a warm hand along her side, and sometimes he stays the night and joins the red-hair-nice-voice girl in her singing with his hollow wooden bowl-like thing.

Then he leaves, and he doesn't come back for a long time, longer than he's ever been gone before, until he's little more than a vague memory. The bad-skinny-man takes over and sends the nice-round-man away and makes the red-hair-girl work for him.

For months he talks about sending her to 'King Ganondorf', and she's not sure why but she hates it. She fights and fights, and manages to stall the 'delivery' for months, and just when she's sure she can't fight any longer, a green-clothes-straw-hair-boy-man appears at the gate.

He pays the bad-skinny-man for the short riding time he gives people who come by and immediately moves towards her. She dances away at first, but then he lifts a blue-bowl-thing to his lips and blows, and the nice-familiar-song spills from it. She recognises him, then, as her dear friend, and allows him to ride her. They race the bad-skinny-man, and she runs and runs and beats him every time, and then they leap the fence and she's free.

He whoops and laughs, and she rears and whinnies, and they ride off together on their adventure.

Then suddenly she's back in her no-longer-home-paddock, and she's a filly again, and she can't find her rider-friend-Link anywhere. But after months he's back, little more than a colt himself, and rides away with her.

They go through a forest, and she closes her eyes to trees and balls of light and opens them to a strange-unfamiliar-paddock and a girl who looks like red-hair-girl but isn't, and she cries for Link but he can't find her.

When he does there's a new annoying-light-fairy, and he runs to her and strokes her muzzle and murmurs reassurances. He helps the not-red-hair-girl and she's with him again, and together they help older-not-red-hair-girl and race the bandits and deliver milk and gallop across this not-home-land.

They return home eventually and Link mates with red-hair-girl and they have lovely tiny-human-foals. When she grows old and dies, as all things do, she watches from the stars and whinnies her greetings when he finally joins her. Then they roam the above-Goddess-world for years, before they are called once more.

There's a new not-home-paddock, and cruel-jeering-not-good-not-pointy-ear-humans, and where-is-Link-must-find-Link-

Then he's there, a gangly-limbed colt, and maybe he's sand-and-sapphire where her Link was straw-and-sky, and maybe his heart is older and sadder than her Link's was at that age, but he hums the nice-familiar-song one night when he steps forward and unties her, and his spirit is the same good-strong-warm-spirit her Link had, and come dawn he rides to meet the other villagers, perched on her broad back with a smile that could outshine the sun on his lips.

The body is different but the spirit is the same. The pair are fast friends and they ride through the village, and she must admit she enjoys the shock on the not-pointy-ear-humans' faces as they pass. Link dismounts beside one of the houses, dismounts and steps inside, already calling to someone in the room exuberantly.

A friendly-nice-woman follows him out again, and she smiles and congratulates him upon seeing her, and gently strokes her nose and laughs. Link is beaming in pleased joy the entire time, so she allows this new woman to do so.

As time passes she grows used to her not-quite-paddock near Link's treehouse—some things never change—and the people, round-important-Bo and strong-brave-Rusl and nice-friendly-Uli and green-eyes-Ilia. As the human-foals grow she knows them as well; gentle-kind-Colin, fierce-foolish-Talo, clever-short-Malo, brave-pink-Beth.

Time ticks by. She's happy here, in forest-village-Ordon with her Link and his herd of crazy human-foals. They treat him like a stallion, an adult, someone to look up to; he, in turn, looks up to Rusl and Uli and Bo, and sometimes he sits next to her and speaks of doubts and worries and she assuages them with a well-timed snort and a head shake. He laughs, then.

They grow up together in forest-village-Ordon. Even if this Link doesn't remember being other-Link, she does, and she treats him as she did then; although some of his likes and dislikes are different now, a lot is the same. He still laughs at her antics and spooks at unexpected rustlings in the wood, still carries his sword everywhere, even if it's now made of wood. He's still _Link_.

She loves him like a brother; he's the ever-present touch of her past-life, and she'd miss him terribly if she lost him, so she rarely leaves his side, except when green-eyes-Ilia takes her places. She accepts that, although Ilia doesn't seem to realise that she'll never be rider-partner-friend-sibling like Link is.

But then something is wrong, and Link comes and settles on her back in a desperate hurry and points her towards the woods. Though she hates to do it, she rears back at the entrance and refuses to continue, leaving Link to go on alone. He does, running into the wood and disappearing.

When he comes back the sun is setting and filling the clearing with golden light, and fierce-foolish-Talo is at his side. She snorts in the boy's face; Link chuckles and Talo smiles, and the three of them return to the village. Her leg hurts, but she doesn't draw his attention to that; it's not bad, and it will heal quickly.

Ilia, upon discovering it, doesn't feel the same. She takes her away to the spring and shuts the gate when Link arrives, and she has to whinny in amusement at the befuddled look on his face. He gets in eventually, of course, and plays the nice-familiar-song, and she steps over to him happily.

But then there are ugly-monster-things that capture her and gentle-kind-Colin and green-eyes-Ilia, and Link is knocked to the ground and left there. But he's alive, at least.

She spends a long time trying to run from the evil-beasts on her back, because they're _bad_ and only Link is allowed to ride her, only Link and no one else! She throws them eventually, but then there's another weight on her back, and it's familiar but she doesn't think and bucks hard, again and again. But then there's his voice murmuring soft words in her ear and she calms, because Link is here now and everything will be alright.

Then other-Link is there; he looks like a golden wolf but she whinnies in joyful recognition. Present-Link is surprised, but he doesn't question it, instead drawing his sword and starting whatever ritual it is they've concocted. She settles down to wait. There's no end to the strangeness of humans, and, apparently, her humans in particular.

Present-Link comes back alone and goes into the city with a quick neck rub. He comes back to fetch her and rides a wagon with large-strong-Telma (who reminds her of the red-hair-gold-eyes-large-nose-Gerudo that used to live in this land) and not-quite-green-eyes-Ilia. She doesn't remember Link or the crazy-human-foals or anything, really, and Link is upset but she can't fix it.

Then Link is a wolf and she hates it, because he's supposed to throw his arms around her neck and press his face to her shoulder and murmur greetings like that, not sit before her and greet her in wolf-tongue. She tells him to turn back soon, and he does, once he's finished sniffing around. At least he showed her, though; with the other humans he hides out of sight before transforming.

Link is Link, no matter what form he takes. She doesn't need a paddock anymore; he's all the home she requires.

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**I hate this one, I really do. It's utter shit. But I'm done, so that's good.**

_**Next time: Library**__**  
**__**It's amazing how many books he has.**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	10. Library

…**Library equals books equals Shad. That is all.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_10: Library__  
__It's amazing how many books he has._

If there's one thing Shad, advisor to the queen, knows, it's this: Zelda is the wise, graceful ruler, and that's her role. Her bodyguard, Link, is just that: A guard, no more, no less.

Zelda is the one with clever phrases spilling from her tongue and walls lined with books. Link's room is a closed-off mystery, but surely he has weaponry everywhere and clothes strewn on the floor; he's the bodyguard. For all intents and purposes, he doesn't exist. He isn't important, thus his room can be as disastrous as he likes.

Shad isn't sure what he does to merit an invitation to the raging pit of testosterone that he's sure the bodyguard's quarters are. All he knows is that one day Zelda tells him to go talk to Link, and when he knocks Link tilts his head in silent invitation.

When the advisor steps in, he's shocked. The walls and floor are covered with bookshelves and stacks of books, three deep and ten high, at least. Link moves a pile from the desk chair in a corner and spins it around to face the bed; he adds the books to a stack on the bedside table, which teeters precariously until he reaches out and steadies it.

Shad takes the silent suggestion and perches on the edge of the chair. His eyes are still spinning around the room, taking in the books that seemingly coat everything in a flood of leather and paper. There are far more books here than in Zelda's quarters, and on many more subjects; seemingly everything from strategy and tactics to silly-looking teenage romance novels.

Link flops onto the bed with an audible sigh. It suddenly occurs to Shad that he's never actually been aware of Link making any sound other than the occasional grunt of effort or sigh of comfort. In fact, he's not even sure if the bodyguard is capable of speech. "Er… Hello…?" he asks more than says, his usual flood of words obscured by timidity in the oppressive silence of the book-filled room.

"Hey." Link's voice is softer than he expected, with faintest hints of an unidentifiable accent. It's slightly hoarse, as well; most likely due to Link speaking so rarely. "Welcome to my own personal library." He leans on his elbows, eyes seeking Shad's. Suddenly the advisor understands why so many politicians daren't meet Link's eyes; they're impossibly blue, with an aura of 'don't even think about it' laid over them like a veil.

"Ah," Shad says. He follows this less than intelligent comment with a swift mental kick. "I wasn't expecting…"

Link chuckles, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Let me guess. You were expecting weaponry? Typical musclebound brute stuff? I get that a lot," he continues before Shad can begin to formulate a response. "Apparently wanting to help Zelda means I'm not allowed a brain."

"I don't think that- That is, I expected some weaponry, yes, and maybe not quite so many books, but still-"

"Nice try," Link interrupts absently, "but you're a terrible liar. I appreciate the attempt, though." He yawns, rolling over to stare up at the ceiling. "So Zelda dragged you into her matchmaking thingy as well?"

Shad blinks, dumbfounded. "…Matchmaking?" he asks eventually.

Link shrugs. "Yeah," he says, rolling his eyes. "Apparently she thinks we've got a quote-unquote 'thing' for each other. I of course told her she was bonkers, but you know how she is."

Shad just stares at him, until the other man fidgets uncomfortably. "You told the queen of Hyrule that she is insane."

Link shrugs again. "Yes. I do these things. It's hard work, being deceptive, especially when speaking to someone you've saved at _least_ a dozen times, and I'm afraid I don't have the knack for it. Actually, I really must have a word with Zel about some sort of training regimen so she stops getting herself kidnapped; I mean, Master Sword or no, it's a bitch rescuing her all the time, y'know?" As if that settles that matter, he reaches blindly for a book and holds it above his face.

"Um," Shad says. He gives himself another swift mental kick. _'Oh yes, Shad, that was very intelligent, well done. May as well stick some hay between my teeth while I'm at it.'_

"Yes?" Link asks casually, eyes rolling sideways to glance at his guest.

"Um. Can I borrow a book? Please?"

"Sure," the blond replies, going back to his book. "Just try to return it by the end of the month."

Shad sighs. "Link, the month ends tomorrow."

"Does it?" Blue eyes flick over to the calendar on the far wall. Each day has been crossed out in turn as it passed, likely to help keep track. "So it does. Next month, then. Try to knock before you enter, yeah?"

Shad blinks, at a loss. That seems to be happening a lot lately; one thing Link appears to be quite talented at is throwing people so far from their train of thought that they can never recover. "Just like that?"

Link grins. "Well, yeah. This isn't a real library, y'know. And I'm sure you'll return it in decent shape." He stretches, rolling to his feet with a grace Shad could never hope to replicate. "Now then, pick one out and let's go; I want to get some training in before my shift starts."

True to Link's word, it really is that simple. Shad picks out his book and they leave, just like that. Link doesn't say anything (it seems he avoids speaking outside of his room no matter _who_ he's with), but he does shoot the scholar a self-satisfied smirk. Shad sighs in return, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and shaking his head like a harried mother. "Where did you get these books, anyway?" He tilts the one in his hand to glance at the title. "Advanced strategy guides, hidden among books on swordplay and… teenage drama novels? You are full of surprises, old boy."

Link chuckles. "Presents, a lot of them," he murmurs softly, leaning closer so that Shad can hear him.

"But… strategy books?" Shad asks. "Who gives strategy books as a present? Well, I have a few times, but… you don't strike me as the strategy type. No offence intended."

The bodyguard shrugs. "It's interesting. I have a friend who's a tactician; he wrote it."

"Fascinating," Shad decides. "He published it?"

Link shakes his head. "No. This is the only copy that exists; he copied out some of his own diagrams, y'know?"

The scholar nods. "He sounds like a clever fellow; perhaps you could introduce us sometime?"

Links hums, glancing up to nod a polite greeting to the receptionist as they pass. "Perhaps," he says, almost inaudibly.

Shad chuckles, shading his eyes as they step out of the shelter of the building. "And perhaps one day I'll show you my own library."

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**It's shit again. Blame Fire Emblem Awakening. I did this all last night, because I was playing it nonstop all week.**

**(Those of you who know Awakening will probably guess who Link's tactician buddy is. I regret nothing.)**

_**Next time: Gloves**__**  
**__**It turns out he's not the only one at the tournament with something to hide.**_

**…I REGRET NOTHING.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	11. Gloves

**And now for something completely different. Because Smash Bros. **

**I still regret nothing. **

**Disclaimed. **

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_11: Gloves_

_It turns out he's not the only one at the tournament with something to hide. _

Link, Robin decides, is irritating.

It's not the fact that he avoids talking and instead stares at people until they flush and look away (thanks to Tharja, that doesn't bother him anymore). And it's not his fierce overprotectiveness towards Princess Zelda either (Robin is, in fact, much worse). No, it's nothing simple like that.

It's the fact that he's trying to read and Link will. Not. Stop. Sighing.

Robin snaps his tome shut and shoots Link a look. He's expecting it to have some response; after all, he's had royalty (and their bodyguards) cowering away from him with this particular look. The Hylian, however, simply sighs again.

Robin scowls and glares at his tome, absently stroking the cover, allowing the crackles of Thunder magic to calm him. "May I ask what happened to have you so upset?"

Link sighs again, then cuts himself off when Robin glares. "Oh, it's nothing, really. Just… destiny's kind of… oh, what did Captain Falcon say… ah yes, kind of a bitch."

Robin nods sagely. "Don't have to tell me that. How so?"

Link shrugs, hesitantly holding out his left hand palm-down to display the three triangles shining through his gauntlet. Ah, yes. That. "On the plus side, at least it's a good thing. Blessing of the goddesses and all. But still, it's kind of annoying. I can't get away from the knowledge that I'm supposed to do something amazing…"

Robin hums. "Have you tried gloves?" He wiggles his own gloved fingers. "Your gauntlets came from your gods in a way, didn't they? Gloves might cover the glow."

Link sighs again. "Maybe…" He runs his fingers along the triangles, lips pressed tightly together. "So what are you hiding?"

Robin blinks. "Pardon?"

The Hylian rolls his eyes. "You seem oddly knowledgeable about hiding divine symbols, so what's yours?"

The tactician chuckles. "Don't have one. Besides, we're talking about you."

"Aw, c'mon," Link begs, shooting Robin a puppy-eyed pout. "I'm sure you've got something; just take your gloves off for a minute! If there's really nothing, you don't have anything to worry about anyway!"

Robin presses his fingers to his eyes. "Oh, very well." He carefully strips the gloves from his hands, running a finger along the back of his right hand out of habit before holding them up to show Link the perfectly blank skin. "You see? Nothing. Now, we were talking about you."

Link groans, flopping back against his chair. "You are no fun, you know that?"

"I've heard words to that affect, yes." Robin pulls his gloves back on and opens his tome again.

Link sighs again. The tactician glances up. "Yes?"

The hero grins. "I knew that would get your attention. So, if you're so smart, how am I supposed to wear gloves _and_ gauntlets?"

Robin lowers his gaze to his tome again. "I am a tactician, not a fashion designer. Ask Peach."

Link smirks, eyeing the other man's oversized black and purple cloak. "Definitely not a fashion designer."

"Are you _trying_ to get electrocuted, or is that just a happy side effect?"

The Hylian merely smirks even wider and stands, straightening his tunic. "I'm just stating a fact."

Robin raises an eyebrow in a way that makes Link suddenly wish he could teleport. "I don't need fashion advice from a man in a dress."

"Oh, those are _fighting_ words!" Link wraps his fingers around the Master Sword's hilt, only half joking.

Robin merely chuckles, snapping his Thunder tome shut in as flashy a manner as shutting a book can be. "Are you starting something?"

"I have an entire kingdom on my side. I'm friends with the princess."

"I'm one of the Exalt's closest friends, and close to his sister and daughters, and his sister's son. Also, master tactician."

Link sighs, just to be irritating, and releases his sword, flopping back to a comfortable seat. Robin chuckles, opening his tome once more. "Have you considered not wearing gauntlets? Do you really need them?"

The swordsman laughs. "How much do you rely on your magic? Gauntlets are very useful if you don't want your hands cut open."

Robin considers this. "…Or you could just not block with your hands," he points out. He runs his fingers along his tome's cover. "You carry a shield, don't you? Why can't you block with that?"

Link chuckles. "Doesn't always work. We can't all blast our opponents with lightning, y'know."

"…True." Robin sighs. "So, about that mark of yours."

"What about it?"

The tactician tilts his head to the side in a questioning way. "What does it mean, exactly? Divine marks are a hobby of mine, and I like knowing about them."

"Huh." The hero doesn't sound convinced, but he allows the not-entirely-accurate excuse. "Well, they're the symbols of the Golden Goddesses. The top one is for Din; she's the Goddess of Power. She created the earth and the Gerudo tribe, a group of all-female warriors. Except for their king. They… aren't around anymore. Actually, sometimes I feel kind of bad about that, because I killed their king and he was the only left, I think. But he was trying to destroy the world, so I think it's justified."

Robin nods sagely. "Killing anyone is justified if the world is at stake. Ah, the mark?"

Link glances at him, flushing in embarrassment. "Right, sorry. Zelda always says I get distracted too easily. So, yeah, the Triforce. The triangle on the left is Nayru's; she's the Goddess of Wisdom, and she created… um… laws…? Something like that. Sorry, my education was a little shaky. And she also created the She… Sheikah…? I think that's it. The Shadow Folk. They're extinct now too, I think. And the right-hand triangle, that's Farore. She's the Goddess of Courage, and she created just about everything else."

"Why is that triangle—Farore's, I mean—glowing?" Robin asks.

"Oh." Link rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's because I have her blessing. So I'm supposedly really brave and… things."

The tactician chuckles. "Supposedly? You seem plenty brave to me."

"I guess. I don't think it's that impressive." The hero glances at the white-haired man shrewdly. "So what's your story? And don't bother saying you don't have one. You have to have a pretty good story just to get into the tournament."

Robin shrugs. "Oh, I was just unlucky. It's nothing that special." He looks at the clock. "Oh, I have a match in a few minutes; excuse me."

Link smirks. "Alright, fine. But this isn't over! You got me to spill my destiny, don't think I won't make you tell me yours!"

Robin just smiles sweetly. "We'll see."

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**There will come a day when I write a decent chapter for this. But it is not this day!**

**Shitty references aside, I think I just made myself ship Link and Robin. Okay, sure, I can write that. Look forward to it. (Nah, it'll be shit too.)**

**I wrote this at 10:30 last night and I'm going to two funerals today. Be thankful. Well, actually I'd rather be doing this, so not really. **

_**Next time: Ink**_

**(…Yeah, I got nothing. Tattoo parlour AU, anyone?)**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	12. Ink

**So, what am I doing this chapter? To be perfectly honest, I still have no freaking clue. Making it up on the spot it is!**

**This may not make sense, because I'm writing during break at tennis camp. It's hot and I've been running around for an hour and I may be dying slowly, I don't know.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_  
__12: Ink__  
__It tells the story he'll never speak aloud._

Link has never spoken a word, in all the years Zelda has known him. He grunts and chuckles, but other than that he's completely silent. He could be deaf, or mute, or just shy, but she's never asked and he's never explained.

Now she sits at the desk at their tattoo parlour, crunching numbers while Link deals with customers. Those that notice the matching symbols on their hands assume they're just another pair of tattoos. It's the perfect cover, really.

To be honest, the Triforce marks on their hands aren't tattoos at all. They're brands. Zelda prefers to hide hers beneath elegant gloves; Link displays his with a sort of macabre pride for all they've been through and survived.

The Triforce Project…

It was a good idea in principle, Zelda reflects. They all signed up for it; her, Link and Ganon. The third name sends a shudder through her. They all had their reasons, too. Zelda wanted the wisdom to aid the people, Ganon wanted the power to protect the Gerudo, and Link… well, she's not sure what he wanted courage for. All she knows is that they signed up, even if they weren't told the whole truth.

It was a… genetic manipulation project, to put it simply. The technicians in charge messed with their muscle mass, their mental capacity, their emotions… Zelda isn't certain they're completely human at this point. Ganon turned into a hulking beast, massive and utterly deadly. Zelda's mental abilities were pushed far beyond the norm, granting her superhuman intelligence. Link became almost incapable of fear.

Considering their 'enhancements', perhaps it made sense that when Ganon went berserk it was left to Link and Zelda to kill him. Even so, Zelda still wakes up screaming some nights, and though there's never any evidence she's certain that some nights Link doesn't sleep at all.

Link never speaks, and neither of them have ever even tried to explain their part in the near-world-ending disaster the Triforce Project snowballed into. Even so, they have their ways of reminding themselves. Zelda braids golden threads into her hair, like the strings they gave her to hold it back when they ran their experiments. Link has, with help from their tattooist friend Sheik, written their tale in inked images across his skin. There's a chain inked around his left wrist, a beautifully done tattoo of a wolf and a dove fighting a boar that covers the entirety of his back, the Master Sword and a Hylian shield crossed over his chest, and others that Zelda has never even seen.

He likes his secrets, does Link, but that's hardly uncommon in their circle of friends. Zelda has secrets of her own, though she wouldn't be entirely surprised if the others have figured them all out by now; she's clever, but she isn't the best at hiding things.

Zelda has her own ink; she keeps a diary. She's kept it for years, ever since the project first started. At first, it was just observations on what was happening to her; little things, like memory and intelligence seeming slightly better. But as time passed, it became less about the project and more about her. What she thought and felt, what she wanted to achieve, and a million other things in between. Now she tracks her days and designs tattoos, and occasionally sketches her friends and family.

During the project, she sometimes forgot. Now she's determined to remember.

Link waves a hand in front of her face, smiling when he catches her attention. The chain on his wrist catches her eye, and she fights the temptation to run her fingers along the ink; Sheik is _good_, so good the chain seems almost real. Zelda is sure there's some sort of magic involved in Link's tattoos; the positioning seems to shift ever-so-slightly whenever she looks at them.

The ink is a constant reminder to them both, the story they'll never tell. But, really, they don't need it so long as they have each other.

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**Yikes it's short. Cut me some slack, yeah? I'm so fucking dead right now I can't even think. With luck, this will be the only time it's so painfully short.**

**The Triforce Project is an idea that's been floating around my head for a while. If anyone's interested, I might do more.****  
**_**  
**__**Next time: Balcony**__**  
**__**It's like something out of a fairytale.**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	13. Balcony

**Hey, lucky thirteen! Maybe this chapter will be decent for once!**

**To make up for last time's insufferable shortness, I started this one right after I posted it. Hopefully that'll help. I make no promises.**

**(I considered doing Link/Robin (yes, I did make myself start shipping them. Oops), then decided to save that for an actual crossover fic. So instead there's fem!Sheik, which is a rarity for me. With any luck (heh heh) I didn't screw it up too badly.)**

**Disclaimed.**

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_13: Balcony__  
__It's like something out of a fairytale._

Sheik is bored.

It's a common occurrence, really. Zelda is having a ball or a meeting or a ceremony or something of that ilk, and Sheik, as the currently-unnecessary substitute, is locked in her—their—chambers until Zelda needs her again. The Sheikah huffs out a sigh, falling backwards onto the princess' bed, sinking at least a foot into the blankets. (Alright, maybe that's a slight exaggeration.)

Exaggeration or no, their quarters are exquisite. Sheik often whiles away the hours by staring up at the ceiling until her eyes can't stay open any longer, pondering the secrets of the universe and why, of every woman in Hyrule, she was the one chosen to be the princess' double. They don't even look alike! Zelda is pale nobility, with crystal blue eyes and lovely brown hair. Sheik is shorter and thinner, skin tanned dark with dark blonde hair and a crimson gaze to match her bloodstained past. She's an assassin through and through, so why is it that Zelda chose _her_ to play the body double?

The enchantments can hide her physical appearance, but not her mind or personality. Sheik is a killer, and she _loves_ it. She was born into the assassins' guild, and if it were her choice she would remain there until her dying day. Instead, she sits in these lavish chambers and tries not to die of boredom.

The hero- he interests her. Her interest hasn't been sparked in years, but this young man, he draws her attention. He reminds her of someone, though she's not sure who; the memory of a dream, perhaps. Or the dream of a memory. In any case, he is _fascinating_. Sheik relishes the times she's put in charge when he's around; she, unlike Zelda, speaks openly to him of life in the palace, though she leaves out her status as a double. She speaks plainly and he does the same. He's too trusting, of course; she is nothing like Zelda, but somehow he hasn't noticed, has never called either of them out.

Well, Sheik muses, dragging herself from the bed and strolling to the balcony, at least he's honest. He speaks candidly of his life as a farm boy, and holds no illusions as to his ineptitude when it comes to city things, but he's kind and brave, and he's a quick learner. She smiles, stepping through the doors and hauling herself up to perch on the railing. It's a beautiful night; perhaps she can sneak out to the guild for a few hours-

Her thoughts are cut off by the sense of being watched. Her eyes narrow, glaring around the space, before eventually finding sapphire-blue staring back at her. The hero, of course. Sheik tenses, waiting for him to realise she's in the princess' rooms and calling the guards, but that thought never seems to strike him. Instead, he smiles up at her and waves. She waves back, caught off-guard by the unexpected reaction.

Link's smile grows even wider, and Sheik smiles back, but the door is sliding open and she has to step back inside before it becomes clear that she let herself be seen. She can _feel_ the hero's disappointment. But she shakes her head and tells herself it doesn't matter. She is nothing but Zelda's other form; she has no life of her own. It was this or the gallows, and she was a coward.

A few times, after that, she sees the hero from the balcony, but she never allows him to see her. She feeds off those brief glimpses of someone who isn't part of palace life; she sees him as Zelda, certainly, but his meetings with the princess are becoming rare occurrences. Sheik tells herself it doesn't matter; she's been fine alone this long, she refuses to start longing for someone now.

Then the balance shifts. Zelda marries the younger son of some king across the sea, but she doesn't inform him of Sheik; the Sheikah merely rolls her eyes and casts a camouflage spell to shield herself from his sight. It's annoying, and awkward for her when she's pretending to be Zelda while he's around, but she lives with it. On the bright side, Link starts visiting more often. Out of boredom, Sheik starts sending him notes. Never signed, nor about anything important; just random things, bits of trivia, riddles. Things that she thinks he may enjoy. He replies with his own facts and jokes, hidden under a rock in the garden. They're hardly the most sophisticated things, but they amuse her anyway, even manage to make her laugh.

But Zelda is expected to produce an heir, and eventually she does get pregnant. Sheik, however, isn't, and she's well aware that her usefulness has now run its course. Zelda won't allow her to pretend to be the child's mother as well as the king's wife. So she sits on the balcony and thinks.

She was granted a reprieve when she took this job, so that's something, but where will she go? Sheikah aren't exactly common, and she hates drawing attention to herself, so that limits a lot of places. But she refuses to stay in the palace, watching Zelda have the happy life that Sheik helped her get. So where can she go?

She glances down at the ground far below. And there he is. The hero is standing by the ivy-covered columns that support the balcony Sheik is now perched on; he waves up at her. She chuckles and waves back. He gestures for her to come down.

Well… She considers her options. One, stay here and watch Zelda's fairytale ending from behind the curtains. Not going to happen. Two, do a runner here and now and hope she finds a decent place to call home. That's a slim hope at best, she knows, but better than none… Or, three. See what Link wants and maybe… maybe… things will go well for her.

It's the best plan she has, so she climbs down the ivy and stands in front of him. "Hello." It seems so… understated, so simple, like talking to a dear friend rather than the hero who saved the kingdom.

"Hello," he replies. "I'm Link. What's your name?"

She refrains from mentioning the fact that everyone in the kingdom knows who he is. "I'm Sheik." She's been introducing herself as Zelda for so long her own name feels… wrong, like it's covered in a layer of rust.

Link smiles at her, and she can feel heat rising to her cheeks at the warmth of his gaze. "It's nice to finally meet you, Sheik. I've been wanting to for ages. Ever since I first saw you."

That's it. No question of why she was in Zelda's room. No mention of Zelda at all. And when a few hours have passed and Link offers to take her traveling, all it takes is one glance at the light spilling over Zelda's balcony, where she spent so much time, for her to agree.

She doesn't need to be a princess to find happiness. She's just going to be herself from now on: An ex-assassin with a happy ever after.

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**Wow. I actually wrote something I (sort of) like. Looks like thirteen really is lucky!**

_**Next time: Chess**_

**…I got nothing again. Help, please?**

**(To be honest, if I can't think of anything I'll probably actually write Link/Robin, because chess=tactics=Robin. Hmmm…)**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	14. Chess

**I did say I'd do Link/Robin, didn't I? And bromances are fun. So. Um. I'm starting to think I should make this a crossover. Because SSB is going to show up… _quite_ a bit. Well, Fire Emblem, anyway, because I've kinda been dropped into the black hole that is fanfic plotlines on that one. And Marth and Kris and Robin and Chrom are too damn cute for words-**

**You probably don't care. But yeah, FE is brilliant. Moving on.**

**By the way, my theory for Robin's genderswapping in SSB is that two versions of them got tangled up in the multiverse, so they can switch back and forth. The pronoun I use will also switch back and forth depending on which form they're in.**

**(I like M!Robin better. Can you tell?)**

**Fair warning: spoilers for Fire Emblem: Awakening lie within.**

**The summary's shit, I know. Sorry.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_14: Chess__  
__In which a discussion about the past over a game of chess quickly becomes friendship._

Link can't help but be relieved when the invitation shows up; it's been five years in Hyrule's time since the last tournament, and he knows better than anyone else what happens when the timelines fall out of sync. But then the familiar symbol engraved on a metal disk falls out of the sky one fine morning.

(It hits him on the head. He tries not to be upset by that.)

He packs up, says his farewells, and meets Zelda at the point where the portal opened last time. He can't wait to see Marth and Ike; Zelda's looking forward to talking with Peach again.

It's great to see his friends again; it's only been a year or so for them, so he's the oldest now, which is a strange feeling. Marth introduces him to his descendant, Lucina; she's nice enough, if a bit serious. She, in turn, introduces him to Robin.

Robin is… interesting. When the portal opened in (oh, what was the name again- Ah, right) Ylisse, something in the multiverse got confused, so Robin can swap genders at will. It's confusing—not least because he was rather feminine-looking to begin with—but it's funny as well, so Link admires it.

The other strange thing is… less easily explained. When they shook hands, it sent a jolt of power through Link's arm, the sort he usually gets from Zelda, or occasionally Marth and Ike. It's something he usually ascribes to destiny or force of will, but Robin seems almost… average. He's _stunning_, and annoyingly clever, and his magic is not something to be taken lightly, but other than that…

Link isn't exactly subtle about his curiosity. "Hey, Robin?"

The tactician turns to looking at him, cocking an eyebrow, hand resting on her hip. "Yes, Link?"

"How'd you get into the tournament?" Robin just stares at him. He fidgets awkwardly. "I mean… everyone else is pretty open about what they've done to gain Master Hand's attention, but no one seems to know about you, and-"

Robin holds up a hand to silence him. "Calm down," she laughs. "It's just… not something I care to talk about very often, and Lucina respects my privacy." She glances at his half-intrigued, half-disappointed face and sighs. "Tell you what; play a game of chess with me, and I'll tell you."

Now, despite growing up in the middle of nowhere with a seemingly never-ending list of chores and responsibilities, Link is quite good at chess. He agrees readily and goes to set up the board. "Black or white?"

"Black," Robin decides. "It suits my personality."

When Link glances over he's changed back into a man again. He sighs. "It's really disconcerting when you do that."

Robin chuckles, sitting down to begin setting up his pieces. "My apologies; when I practice, I prefer to be in my… original form. I'll try to warn you next time."

"Hm." Link moves one of his pawns forward. "You owe me a story."

"I suppose I do," the white-haired man sighs. "Now, where to start…?"

Link shrugs. "Wherever. Can't be stranger than the stories I know. One of my predecessors was frozen in time; lost seven years of his life. He got it back in the end, but…"

"Lucky bastard," Robin chuckles. "I lost about eighteen, and I still haven't gotten them back."

Link nearly misses his next move. "Eighteen?! How'd you manage that?"

A shrug. "It's… complicated. Suffice it to say, I lost all memory of the first eighteen years of my life. I don't remember even a second of it. So, going by that, I'm technically only two. Er, three. Gods, my age is confusing."

Link frowns. "You're either technically two or three, why is it so confusing?"

Robin shrugs again. "I was dead for a year. I didn't age, so we don't know whether to count it or not."

The hero decides to leave that line of questioning for the moment. "Do you know how you lost your memory?" he asks, taking one of Robin's knights with a grin. "Check."

"Oh, yes. My memory was overloaded by a fell dragon bent on destroying the world." Robin moves his queen, either not noticing or ignoring Link's shocked expression. "Checkmate."

The hero glances back at the board. Sure enough, Robin has his king boxed into the corner. "Wow. I didn't even notice you doing that. And, ah, what was that about a dragon?"

Robin waves a hand airily. "Details." Catching Link's disbelieving look, he sighs. "Look, this is… hard for me to talk about. You'll have to accept hearing it in short increments, or not at all."

Link nods understandingly. "How about this, then: Whenever we play chess, we take turns asking each other questions until the game finishes. They can be about anything; just, try not to make them too personal."

"That sounds good." Robin smiles. "I have a match in ten minutes; until next time?"

Link grins back. "Until next time."

It quickly becomes routine; Link learns bits and pieces about Robin's adventures with Chrom (he's kind of impressed. Two wars before the age of twenty five? Yikes.), and in return tells him about the Temples and fighting Ganon. There are things they're both leaving out, he knows, but that doesn't matter; what's a secret or two between friends?

Robin still beats him every time they play, of course. But he's a tactician, so Link tries not to be too upset over that. Some things never change, after all.

(Link's just happy to have another friend.)

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**…It's not too horrible, right?**

_**Next time: Union**_

**Okay, I don't even have a shred of a clue for this one. Please, please, please give me ideas. I may end up doing a Pokémon Rangers AU.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	15. Union

**This chapter was suggested by Nathaniabp, so huge thanks on that one (I wasn't kidding when I said I had nada.)**

**Anyways. I don't know how this'll go, so… fingers crossed! Different writing style too, because why the fuck not.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_15: Union__  
__Something suitably descriptive and summary-like._

"As the representative of Wisdom, I'm telling you right now that this is a terrible idea."

I just grin, carefully avoiding looking at the glare I know is on Zelda's face. "And as the representative of Courage, I'm doing it anyway."

I don't bother waiting for a response, instead turning to study the whatever-it-is Impa dug up from who-knows-where. It's supposed to be a device for summoning the dead, and it's a terrible, awful, no-good idea, but I'm going to summon Ganon and convince him to help us.

It's a really, _really_ bad idea. But hey, so is leaving a forest you'll supposedly die if you leave and spending three days trekking across a monster-infested plain in order to sneak into a castle and speak to a princess you've never met, and that worked out quite well for everyone involved, right? My terrible ideas have a tendency to end… mostly happily. Barring the occasional seven-year sleep and wars and kidnappings and-

…Let's just leave it at that.

Zelda is still glaring at me, I can sense it. But I choose to ignore her and continue examining the resurrection-thing. "Look, Wisdom and Courage are all well and good, but you had the same dream as me; we need Power, too, or the world kind of comes to a really messy end. I don't know about you, but I try to avoid those. At least over the weekends. And we can send him back whenever we like, so I'm sure it'll be fine."

"That's what you said about swimming in the moat," she reminds me. "And building a fireworks display in my garden. And climbing onto the roof. And-"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" I interrupt. "Seriously though, this one will work. And what with the whole crazy-demon-king thing, I think we can use all the help we can get." It's a shame the Triforce is still split into three. It'd be useful to have it all in one place so we could fix messes like this _without_ summoning the evil pig king to help.

Ah, well. Nothing to be done about that. "So, how does this work, exactly?"

Zelda sighs, moving to kneel beside me. "You just… visualise the spirit you're trying to contact. I think."

"Very helpful. Um, here goes…"

I focus on my memories of Ganondorf, attempting to remember him as human—er, Gerudo—rather than the evil pig of doom. It's a weird feeling, like tunnel vision, if the tunnel were made of compressed images of one of the ugliest creatures the gods ever created. It's hard, and takes more focus than anything else I've ever done; like drawing all the little details I remember of him into a whole, with form and personality. The more I remember, the more my mind tells me to turn back, but I can't stop now, not when it's- so close, not when I've almost got it-

There's a piercing pain in my head and I can hear the faintest echo of a roar and _oh gods, this was a terrible idea_. But it's too late now; he's awake, and I can't control this. I didn't realise Power was this… well, powerful.

_Farore, please, if I survive this I'll never do something this stupid again, but we really, really need him—gods, that's sad—so can Din maybe tell him to calm down before he kills us all?_

Maybe it actually works, because the sheer rage slamming into me calms slightly, and I can sense a grudging curiosity from the not-quite-substantial figure before me.

"Um. Hello?"

"…Boy," comes the weary acknowledgement. "Why did you summon me, to gloat?"

"No!" I yelp. Gods, I should've gotten Zelda to do this instead, she's much better at convincing people. "Um, but, there's an evil demon king who's trying to destroy Hyrule, and everything else, and we need the entire Triforce to beat him, so I was wondering if maybeyoucouldhelpusout?" My voice dies to a squeak, and _gods_ it's embarrassing.

He's amused, with a sort of self-satisfied embarrassment at having lost to me. I should be irritated, but right now I'm more scared than anything else, and he can sense it. Tch… I'm supposed to be Courage personified, and yet here I am scared of a ghost. Now that, that irritates me. "Look, if this… _thing_ regains full power, that's it. Game over. Everything here is _gone_. The Hylians, the Gorons, the Zora, the Kokiri… and the Gerudo." There's a spike of interest, and I can't help the smirk that comes to my lips. "If you don't help us, your people die. All of them. Is that what you want?"

Okay, maybe I'm not so bad at this.

"…What do you want from me?" Ganon asks grudgingly.

…Or, maybe I really am terrible. "Um."

"…You have no idea, do you." It's not a question. "Gods, how did I lose to you?"

"Magic?" I offer. "So, basically, we need your help, which is… sad, but unavoidable. You in?"

"Hmph."

I cough. "That's… not an answer. So…?"

"…Very well," the Gerudo king agrees grudgingly.

Well, I suppose sometimes a—_very_ temporary—union is the only choice.

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**Um. So. It's… okay. Little on the short side, but it'll do.**

**Next time: Ipod.**

**Fucking creative word generator. What, is there an app for killing evil kings or something? (In other words, I need help again.)**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	16. iPod

**Sixteen weeks already? Sheesh. That's only… Ah…**

**Eighty-eight weeks to go. What the hell was I thinking?!**

**In any case, this chapter was suggested by just-AWESOME-old-me, so another big thanks. (The original suggestion was with Zelda, but… nah.) Seriously you guys, keep sending in suggestions. The more I get, the happier I am!**

**(I will be uploading three chapters to various things today. It won't last.)**

**Disclaimed.**

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_16: iPod__  
__Once upon a time there was a summary. But then it died, so you get this instead._

Link stretches out on the tree branch he's perched on, yawning. He's been up here for quite some time, with no sign of anyone. Perhaps it wasn't his best idea to sit in a tree while waiting for this guy…

He sighs. How on earth did he get himself into this?

...

It all started a little over two weeks earlier. Link had been getting coffee with Zelda and Midna when he'd noticed the seemingly-abandoned iPod resting on the table. Now, being the bleeding-heart do-gooder hero he is, Link couldn't just leave it there, so he took it to the counter to see if the staff knew who it belonged to.

All they could tell him was it belonged to a young man, blond hair, tan skin, wearing sunglasses. That… wasn't very helpful, and the iPod itself was locked, meaning he couldn't look for clues there. All he knew was that, judging from the—slightly worrying—wallpaper of the Kakariko well, whoever owned it had been in Kakariko Village at some point, a two-day drive away.

But Link, being, well, _Link_, packed up his gear, hopped onto his trusty red motorcycle, and drove off to track down the owner.

(Zelda and Midna, it must be noted, Did Not Approve. At all.)

Link drove all the way to Kakariko and started asking around. It took less than a day for him to learn that the iPod's owner, judging from what little he could tell people, was probably (possibly) Sheik, the village leader's nephew. Unfortunately, Sheik didn't live in Kakariko; he hadn't for years. The best way to track him down, according to the villagers, was to talk to Impa, the aforementioned village leader. She, annoyingly, was currently visiting the Zora. To get to Zora's River would easily be another two-day drive.

Link, rather than giving up, as any normal—or sane—person would do, bought some snacks at the shop and drove off again.

It was nearly nightfall on the second day when he finally arrived at the river. After that, he spent three hours convincing the Zora to let him in, another hour and a half talking King Zora into letting him through to Zora's Fountain, where Impa was, and what felt like an hour—but was probably closer to five minutes—waiting for King Zora to shift very, _very_ slowly out of the way.

And when he finally finished all that and went out to the fountain to speak to Impa, it turned out Sheik had, apparently, been up Death Mountain with the Gorons _the entire. Freaking. Time._

Now, most people would be rather annoyed at this turn of events. One might even say vexed. Link, however, just sighed and asked if maybe, just maybe Impa could give the iPod to Sheik for him?

She seemed to find that funny, and sent him on his merry way.

So Link spent the night at Zora's River, curled up in a ball listening to the splashes of water. As soon as the sun appeared over the horizon, he was driving back to Kakariko. Then, of course, there was the three hour climb up the mountain, hunting around the surrounding area, before finally going into Goron City itself. It took the better part of an hour for him to find a Goron who could tell him that Sheik had left—yes, left—almost two years ago and headed for Lake Hylia.

Now, that was another two-day drive, most of it across ground Link had already travelled, and Link was understandably getting rather sick of the entire ordeal at this point. So, he told himself, he'd go to Lake Hylia, and if Sheik wasn't there, he'd head back to Castle Town and throw in the towel.

So he drove all the way to Lake Hylia and spoke to the people there. And—surprise, surprise—they told him that Sheik had gone to the Gerudo Desert.

Now, Link had said he'd give in if Sheik wasn't at Lake Hylia. But, then again, he hadn't been to the Gerudo Desert in _years_, and it was an interesting place. Besides, he reasoned to himself, it was only a quick cannon ride away.

He went to the Gerudo Desert not really expecting anything. And he found—you guessed it—nothing but the vague comment from an old researcher that there had been a Sheikah boy a year or two earlier who had said he'd been headed for the Ordona Province.

Well, Link rationalised, he hadn't been home in ages. So he allowed himself to complete the two-day drive to Ordon. Upon arriving, he gave himself a couple days to rest, staying at his old house and spending time with his friends and family. Only then did he ask about Sheik.

Who had, according to Rusl, decided to move to Castle Town.

…So, the goddesses really, really hated Link.

Even so, he had to go back there anyway. So he said his farewells and drove back home.

He gave himself a day to sit around his house and mope. Zelda and Midna came by, and he told them what little he knew: The iPod's owner's name was Sheik, he was a Sheikah (real creative naming there!), and he had apparently been just about everywhere.

Zelda had giggled. "Wait," she'd said. "It belongs to _Sheik_?!"

As it turned out, Sheik was a childhood friend of hers. He'd moved to Castle Town and had, in fact, commented to her about two weeks ago that he'd lost his iPod. For whatever reason, she hadn't connected the dots.

(Midna found it hilarious.)

To make up for it, Zelda offered to tell Sheik that Link may have found it, and through her they set up a meeting.

...

So here he is, the next day, sitting in a tree and waiting for a guy he's never even met. Link sighs. When did his life get so weird?

"Hey," comes a voice from beside him. The Hylian yelps, startled, and flails wildly, falling off the branch in the process and landing in a heap on the ground.

The boy who startled him laughs warmly, adjusting the sunglasses over his eyes. "Sorry; didn't mean to scare you. It's… Link, right?" He leaps down the tree, holding out a hand for him to take. "Zelda's friend?"

Perhaps it's the shock of the fall, but it takes a moment for Link to put the pieces together. "…Sheik?" he asks cautiously.

The other grins, bowing gracefully. "That would be me. A pleasure to meet you."

He's… kind of cute. In an annoying way. "So, Zelda said this was yours?" Link waves the iPod.

Sheik nods and grabs it from his hands. "Yeah, thanks!" He smiles sheepishly. "Zelda told me how far you went trying to find me… Sorry."

"No, it's fine," Link replies. "Hey, you want to go… grab a coffee or something? The place where you left that thing originally… It's on the ground floor of my apartment building, so I go there a lot."

The other stares at him for a minute. "…Wait. The coffee shop I left my iPod in… is on the ground floor of _my_ apartment building."

For a long second, there's silence. Then Link groans. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

(And so it transpired that Sheik had been living in the apartment above Link's the entire time.)

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******Gotta love fetch quests.**

**I feel kinda bad now, but at the same time… nah, it's too amusing.**

**By the way, I might not be able to upload next week's chapter on time; I'm going up north for a week, and there's no Internet. If I can get the chapter done, I'll try to post it on Friday or early Saturday morning; if not, there'll be a double update the week after.**

_**Next time: Practice**_**  
****(Still got nothing~!)**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	17. Practice

**Thanks to Nathaniabp and just-AWESOME-old-me for their suggestions! (Seriously, you two are great!)**

**I couldn't decide which one to use, so I combined them and used them both.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**17: Practice**__**  
**__**Fuck summaries. Things happened.**_

_Twang-whizz-thud!_

_Twang-whizz-thud!_

Link sighs, lowering his bow to examine the results of his practice. Most of the arrows are clustered around the very centre of the target, a few hovering a little further away. All in all, a pretty good showing, though not quite as impressive as it sometimes is. He moves to start collecting his arrows for the third time-

"Impressive aim."

He's sure his heart is clawing its way up his throat as he spins around. "…Robin! Don't _do_ that!"

The tactician chuckles warmly, stepping into the training room and closing the door behind. "Marth and Ike noticed you weren't at dinner. They have a match, so they asked me to find you."

"Didn't you notice I wasn't at dinner?" Link asks playfully, reaching the target and beginning to pull his arrows loose.

"Maybe, maybe not. How long did you have to practice to get so good?"

The hero shrugs. "Oh… five minutes, give or take?" He grins at Robin's disbelieving snort. "Hey, I learn fast!"

The tactician smirks, running a hand through messy white hair. "I'm sure."

Link holds out the bow. "You want to try?"

Robin steps back, shaking his head. "Oh, no. That's not a good idea."

"Oh, come on! You'll be great, I can tell!"

"Want to bet?" He grins ruefully. "Last time I tried to use a bow, I nearly shot Chrom. The time before that, I actually _did_ shoot him."

Link raises an eyebrow. "You're exaggerating."

"No, true story. On my honour," he adds, touching a hand to his heart. "Ask him some time, if you don't believe me. Luckily it only _just_ hit him, no serious injuries… He found it more amusing than anything else. He said it was good there was _something_ I was utterly terrible at."

The hero shrugs. "Well, you improved. Please? Just one arrow?"

Robin sighs. "Oh, all right. But don't come crying to me when I accidentally shoot your eye out."

"Don't worry," Link assures him, patting the Hylian shield lying beside him. "I'll be fine. Now, do you know how to fire a bow?"

"More or less…" the tactician replies uncertainly, fingers curling around the wood, reaching for an arrow with his right hand. He nocks it against the knot in the bow string. "Like this, yeah?"

"Uh huh," Link agrees. "Now just draw the arrow back, sight down the shaft, and release the string."

Robin does so. At the very last second, Link notes, he lifts the bow just a little higher; the arrow flies past the target and hits one of the mats on the wall behind it with a dull thunk. "Dammit," he sighs.

"I think I know what the problem is," Link says brightly. Robin glances up at him curiously. "You're thinking of it like a tome, y'see. When you cast a spell, you're holding the tome in your right hand, yes? Well," he continues at the tactician's affirming nod, "you're used to the weight of a book when you're attacking. You're trying to compensate for a weight that isn't there."

"Oh," Robin murmurs. "Yes, that… makes sense… I've never thought about that as a possibility. It's never affected sword fighting, so…"

"Different style of combat," the hero explains. "I've never had any trouble with switching between ranged and close-combat, either. But I did have the same problem as you going from one ranged weapon to another, or a sword to… an iron ball, for example." He shrugs. "Long story. I'll tell you later. But, basically, you have to focus on the weapon in your hand and _only_ compensate for that. I've seen you using magic in the arena; your aim is flawless. With a little practice, you'll make a great archer."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, hero," the tactician jokes. "So how do I do this properly, then?"

"Simple," Link replies. "Here, let me show you." He takes the bow and draws back a new arrow. "See, you're shifting your aim up at the last second, and you're twisting the string a little as you release. That's what's making the arrow go… well, sideways." He releases the string. "You see? Keep your hand straight." He hands the bow back. "Now you try."

"Alright…" Robin carefully nocks another arrow. "Like this?" he asks.

"Hold it a little higher," Link suggests, rearranging his friend's grip on the bow. "Okay, now hold it steady…" He holds the other's grip in place to stop him lifting the bow any higher. "Now shoot."

_Twang-whizz-thud!_

The arrow hits the edge of the bullseye and Robin turns, grinning. "I hit it!" he crows. "I actually hit it!"

"Wow, Robin," Link teases, "you make it sound like you weren't expecting my expert help to improve your aim."

"I wasn't," Robin teases back. "I've seen you in the arena."

"Now that's just rude," the hero complains, releasing the tactician's hand and stepping back.

"Hey, I'm a tactician. No time for sparing people's feelings in a battle."

"But we're not in a battle!"

Robin just laughs, tucking his hair behind his ear. "Suck it up, Link. Old habits and all that."

"My old habits include killing things that annoy me," Link jokes. "Careful, Robin."

"Oh, you don't scare me. I've dealt with kings, dragons, and far worse things."

"Like what?"

Robin sighs. "My wife!"

The hero stares at him. "Wait, what? You're married?"

"Yep. And she's great, but dear Naga, she's a _beast_ in the mornings." He smirks. "You'll understand when you're older."

Link stares at him. "I'm older than you! Or we're the same age. Your age really is confusing."

"Why thank you. I take great pleasure in being confusing."

"Ha ha. Seriously though, you're actually married?"

Robin shrugs. "Well, yeah. I'm not the only one, either; Marth's married, for one. So's Lucina."

Link sighs. "You're so old, all of you. Married. Sheesh. You're only… what, nineteen? Twenty?"

The tactician just smiles. "Well, I'm twenty, myself… Lucina's a year or two older, and Marth's… oh, seventeen, eighteen?" He shrugs again. "Different worlds, different rules, better not to ask." He examines the bow in his hands, running fingers over the wood. "This is a gorgeous bow, by the way. Where did you get it?"

Link shrugs back. "Found it in a temple. It's the Hero's Bow, so, you know, I figured…"

Robin chuckles. "Sounds reasonable." He moves to settle comfortably on the floor. "Thanks for the lesson."

Link smiles. "Any time."

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**Aaaand we're done.**

**That ending, though… Tch. Fuck it, I'm in a hurry.**

_**Next time: Feast**_**  
****…Nope, still nothing. Um. Next week's might be late…**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	18. Feast

**I'm back from the great north, covered with sunshine and bug bites! (Thirteen, last I checked, including four on my right foot. FOUR.)**

**This chapter was suggested by Just-AWESOME-old-me. Again. So thanks again! (Hey, three for three.)**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**18: Feast**__**  
**__**Summary, summary, summary.**_

"Are you certain this is a good idea?" Auru asks cautiously. "It is Link, after all."

Zelda smiles. "We have to honor him, Auru." She says this with the air of someone who's explained the same thing several times. "Besides, it's a feast in his honour. Do you know how many village boys dream of that?"

"Not Link, I imagine," Auru replies.

But Zelda will not be swayed, and a week later Shad is sent—unwillingly—to inform Link.

The hero smiles and says he's pleased and honoured and all that, but the Resistance is well aware of the difference between truly-happy Link and pretending-to-be-happy Link. This is most definitely the latter.

But what are they supposed to do? Argue with the princess?

So a few days later Link finds himself sitting in a formal suit and tie, trying very very hard not to fidget as various nobles make speeches and toasts and try to make it seem like they're more important than they are. To be honest, the hero thinks he preferred Ganon and Zant. At least they were straightforward.

He shoots Shad a pleading look. The scholar merely shrugs discreetly and goes back to watching the nobles. So he glances at Zelda, but she smiles back, and she's so obviously enjoying herself that he doesn't have the heart to try and leave.

Link is a farm boy through and through, hero or no, and it's taking everything he has just to remember the stupid rules of city etiquette, like having to use a particular fork or spoon for a particular course, and how exactly to address whatever noble is speaking to you, _and at least there's no etiquette when you're saving the world_, but apparently being famous means he's supposed to know these things. Shad taught him the basics beforehand, so it's not as bad as it could be, but his collar itches and it feels like his tie is trying to strangle him and he probably looks incredibly stupid.

He shoots another pleading look at Shad, then at Ashei, sitting beside him. Shad just shrugs again, but Ashei nods in silent agreement and they commiserate quietly for a few seconds before Shad nudges Ashei and Auru nudges Link, and their attention is brought back to reality.

Link stays very quiet and speaks only when spoken to, and then only as much as is required. And all the while, he's struggling to think of a way to escape this.

Life was so much easier when he could stab his problems.

"Auru," he whispers, trying very hard not to move his lips. "Why do I have to be here?"

"It's in your honour," the older man replies equally quietly. "It wouldn't be right for you not to come."

"But, Auru!"

"No buts." Auru sighs. "Honestly, Link. You didn't complain about fighting monsters, but force you to go to _one_ formal event and it's like we're asking you to jump off a cliff."

"But, Auru!" Link repeats, channeling his inner whiny teenager.

Zelda coughs from her place at the head of the table, shooting the two of them a Princess Glare. They both shut up.

Link spends the next few hours considering every possible way to make whoever thought this was a good idea suffer a slow and painful death. (Hey, even heroes can have a sadistic streak!) Then he remembers it was Zelda, and gives up. After all, he's not allowed to wish slow and painful death on his queen.

Not even if she deserves it.

So instead he waits several hours. But when it's announced they're supposed to *dance*…

Well.

He will later insist he didn't _run away_, per se; he merely excused himself politely for a perfectly good reason that required his leaving for a few minutes. And then didn't come back.

Shad will later tell him that it was _terribly bad manners, old boy, no matter what you call it_.

Link doesn't say anything, but he really doesn't care if it was bad manners or not; he doesn't _like_ feasts, he decides. Especially not when they're in his honour, considering the fact that he finds himself obligated to go.

Never again, he vows quietly that night in his very, _very_ secluded apartment.

(He's pretty sure the spirits of previous heroes are hovering all around him, judging his every movement. And laughing.)

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**SHORT.**

**That's all there is to say about this one.**

_**Next time: Bandit**_

**(…Evil Link, anyone?)**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	19. Bandit

**The Shink returns!**

**Alrighty then. I did this all yesterday (let's hear it for procrastination!), so it might not be that good.**

**This kinda turned into a semi-Wild-West-style AU… Whatever, I'll run with it.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**19: Bandit**__**  
**__**They're outlaws, and things go BOOM.**_

"What're you doing?"

Sheik isn't wearing a shirt, Link notes, glancing up briefly from the gun he's cleaning. "What's it look like?" he mutters.

"Well, good morning to you, too." The Sheikah flops down beside him. "You haven't fired that thing in five years. If you clean it much more you'll clean the metal off it."

The Hylian grunts rather than actually replying. Sheik sighs dramatically, rolling upright and leaning against the blond's shoulders. When that doesn't garner any response, he groans and stands straight. "It's too early for this shit. I'm getting coffee."

"In the pot," Link informs him.

"Ah, I knew there was a reason I keep you around!"

"Just one?" the other teases.

Sheik chuckles, grabbing a mug out of the cupboard and pouring his drink. "You want some?" he asks. "Because if not I'm gonna drink it all and be on a caffeine high for the next few hours."

"Mm. You do that."

The younger man settles beside him again, drawing his legs up onto the seat and wafting the smell of coffee towards Link's nose. "You _sure_ you don't want any?"

Link groans and snatches the mug, chuckling at Sheik's disapproving whine. "Alright, fine. So, master scout, any plans for today?"

Sheik leaps to his feet and sits on the counter, pouring himself a fresh mug. "The princess is traveling through here! And her security is bullshit, we could totally rob her blind!"

"Sheik, we are not robbing royalty."

"Why not?"

"Because-" Link hesitates. "Because-"

"Ha!" the Sheikah crows, waving his coffee triumphantly. "You have no reason! Let's face it, if we're caught we'll be hung anyway; may as well die rich."

Link sighs. "Alright. But before we do any of that, put your Thrice-damned shirt on."

...

Zelda looks out the window of her carriage with a long, bored sigh. "Impa, when do we get to the manor?"

"In a few hours, milady," her guard replies calmly, pretending her charge hadn't asked the same question five minutes earlier.

For a second the princess is certain she sees a horse out the window. Then she blinks and it's gone. "Impa?"

"Yes, milady?"

Zelda frowns. "Is it normal to see mirages out here? I could've sworn there was a horse out there."

"A horse?" The Sheikah moves to look.

_Thud._

Both royal and guard glance up at the roof of the carriage, just as a glittering blade pierces through it, just between Zelda's legs, cutting a ragged tear in the fabric.

A young man pokes his head in, a mask hiding his eyes. "Oops!" he says brightly. "Sorry, Highness. Misjudged your position. Never mind, I'm sure you can afford it."

"Who are you?" Impa asks, standing slowly.

The masked man turns to look at her. He swears viciously, head disappearing from view. "Hey, Kafei! Get your ass up here, will you?!"

There's a sudden jerk as the carriage stops, then a second head pops into view. "Highness, ma'am," he acknowledges politely, and Zelda is _sure_ he's grinning like a madman beneath his mask. "If you two wouldn't mind just sitting there for a little, we'll be stealing some money and running for the hills. Please pay no attention to any strange noises you hear; Ravio is a dear friend, but I must admit he's a bit of a klutz."

"Am not!" the first man's voice calls. "Hey, Kafei, looks like we've got incoming. Better hurry it up."

Kafei sighs deeply. "Of course. They never let us have any fun. Highness, if you'd pass up that bag beside you?"

"That's my lunch," Zelda informs him with as much dignity as she can muster.

The man shrugs, which looks very odd upside down. "I know. I'm hungry."

There's a loud smack, and Kafei yelps, jumping and banging his head on the carriage roof. He turns to glare at his partner. "That was crude, unnecessary, and extremely impolite."

"I'll show you extremely impolite if you don't hurry up!"

The blond pouts, then does something with his shoulders that allows him to wriggle through the hole and land feet first between the two women. "Valuables, please. I'll let you keep the crown; we may be obnoxious criminals, but we're not _that_ bad." He hesitates, glancing up at the ceiling. "…Or, I'm not, anyway."

"I heard that!"

"I know!" Kafei sticks out his tongue childishly. "So, are you gonna just stand there, or…?"

Impa strikes before he can finish, leaping towards him with the ferocity the Sheikah are known for. Kafei jumps clear, the woman just keeping herself from running headlong into the side. The young man grins, leaping up and through the roof. Impa follows.

Zelda hesitates for just a moment before yanking open the door—really, did none of them think of it?—and following. What she sees defies all expectations.

Kafei and Impa are muttering quietly together, glancing up at the horizon every few seconds, while the second man—Ravio, was it?—calms a red-coated mare. Kafei notices her and runs over. "Ah, Highness! Good to see you haven't lost your courage. As it turns out, there's a sandstorm coming. We're miles from shelter and the only possible protection we can get to is a cave a few hundred metres north. So as it turns out we'll be putting this on hold for a little while. Funny how these things work out, isn't it?"

Ravio sighs, drawing a knife and cutting the horses free of the carriage. "I assume you can ride?"

Zelda nods, heaving herself onto the first horse's broad back. Impa leaps atop the second. The two bandits hop onto the red mare, Kafei's arms tight around Ravio's waist.

Ravio glances around. "Let's go!"

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**Uh, semi-cliffy there.**

**If I get good prompts I might continue this one. But right now I'm too tired to write more.**** So it's shit.**

_**Next time: Chair**__**  
**__**(…Uh, what am I supposed to do with this?)**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	20. Chair

**It is at this time every year that we hear a familiar cry from across the nation.**

**How the FUCK is it September ALREADY?!**

**Anyway, this chapter was suggested by Nathaniabp (with some adjustments from me), so big thanks for that.**

**By the way, this takes place in the Hyrule Warriors era (don't know if it should be called an era. Doing it anyway). I know Link is technically mute in that one, but I'm gonna say he's stubborn rather than actually incapable of speech.**

**It led to a rather interesting scenario when he explained that yes, he can in fact talk.**

**And Sheik's a separate person, because why the fuck not. I don't know where she came from, considering this was supposed to be Link dicking about with chairs.**

**I literally did this **_**this morning**_**, so don't expect a huge amount.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**20: Chair**__**  
**__**I'm not bullshitting this at all.**_

Brilliant blue eyes blink up at the princess innocently. Zelda sighs. "Really, Link?"

The hero just shrugs and looks confused. It's a look he's had a lot of practice in. Zelda groans. "How do you even manage to _break_ the throne? You have a gift, I tell you. A rare gift for _ridiculous levels of carnage_."

Link bats his eyes at her. "It isn't _my _fault that courage comes with a strong urge to test the boundaries of anything I come across, including but not limited to various pieces of furniture. Take it up with Farore."

"I will. And I will also ask her why in Hylia's name she chose to make such an _obvious_ loose cannon her champion." The princess only becomes more irritated when Link shrugs again.

"Well, that isn't my fault! Don't blame me for being given the holy duty to save the kingdom every century! If your incarnations just learned how to keep Ganon from overthrowing them every few years-"

"Oh, so now it's my fault? Remind me, which of us can wield a divine blade?"

"Well, excuse me, princess!"

There's a pointed throat-clearing behind them. When the pair turn, Impa merely raises an eyebrow in that guilt-inducing way of hers.

(Sheik, it must be said, looks more wickedly amused than anything else.)

"What is going on here?" the elder Sheikah asks calmly.

"Link broke the throne!" Zelda complains. Sheik shoots him a surreptitious thumbs up from behind Impa's back. "I don't even know how he did it!"

"Surely you can have it rebuilt?" Sheik suggests in her typically logical way. "After all, it's just wood and gold leaf with some cushions, right? A little pricy, but not at all outside your budget, highness."

"That's not the _point_!" the princess complains. "It's the principle of the thing!"

"So have him rebuild it," the Sheikah replies, shrugging in a manner which quietly conveys her utter disinterest.

There's a long moment of silence. "That's… actually a good idea."

"What do you mean, actually?!"

Link sighs. "Oh, boy. Here they go again."

...

Sheik and Zelda's catfighting aside, the hero soon finds himself sitting in a pile of bits of wood and what looks like paint but which Zelda informs him is in fact gold leaf. Because apparently being a hero means he knows how to fix things like this.

(He really, really doesn't.)

"Having fun?" Sheik asks, settling herself comfortably beside him. She glances at the carnage of wood scattered around him. "…I assume not."

"Ugh." Link flops over, wincing as his spine hits what appears to be the throne's overelaborate back but not bothering to sit up again. "Why am I doing this? I'll just make it so it'll _shatter_ the moment Princess Zelda puts _any_ weight on it. As funny as that would be," he adds, picturing the scene in his head.

"Yes, well, it's _Zelda_, so you'd better make it wonderful. I swear she's got it out for anyone who isn't Impa."

Link groans again. "I _know_. Y'know, I never thought 'hero' was a full-time job. And I never thought it included fixing chairs. I'd rather be some random villager's delivery boy."

Sheik chuckles, undoubtably taking some form of sadistic pleasure in his distress. "Come now, it's not that bad. Make it absolutely horrible and worthless, and no one will ever allow you to do carpentry ever again as long as you live."

She makes it sound so easy. Links sighs and scoops up a hammer and some of the wood and gets to work (or attempts to, at least).

...

"…Link, what, exactly, is this?"

The hero shrugs, looking at his leaning tower of wood. "I am not a carpenter."

Sheik snickers in that peculiar, repressed way every Sheikah he's ever heard of seems to share. "That is putting it mildly."

The throne looks more like a pile of wood than something that's actually supposed to be sat on. Zelda sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Honestly, it's not that hard…"

"Then you do it!"

(In the end Zelda does, in fact, do it. Her effort isn't that much better than Link's, and Impa finally calls for an actual carpenter.)

(They carefully don't mention how this happened.)

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**…I did say you shouldn't expect much.**

_**Next time: File**_

…**I swear my random word generator is giving me hard words on purpose.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	21. File

**School. Fuck school.**

**On a brighter note, I got the new 3DS and Xenoblade Chronicles 3D and OH MY GOD GUYS IT'S SO FUCKING PRETTY.**

**Also British voice actors. I am so hooked.**

**Fangirling aside, I'm making this up on the spot again. High school teacher AU in honour of the torment that is school.**

**Gratuitous FE characters, sorry. I will explain anything important or amusing at the end.**

**This is basically the Smash Bros faculty. Ganon is the principal, Zelda is his secretary. Robin and Shulk (oh hi there Xenoblade) are science teachers, Sheik is gym, Marth is math, Pit is… I dunno, woodshop? I don't know Kid Icarus. And Link is history, for some reason.**

**I wouldn't be surprised if the ANs end up longer than the chapter.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_21: File_

Link groans, tossing the latest folder to the side. "Remind me, why am _I_ the one going through the personnel files?"

Robin chuckles, leaning back in her chair. "Because, my dear friend, I have fifty reports to mark by tomorrow and I haven't started yet."

"…While we break into the principal's office."

Sheik snickers, peeking out the doorway. "If Zel is fine with it, why aren't you?"

Link rolls his eyes. "Zel is fine with it because you're her weird pseudo-twin, not because it's a good idea. If Ganon catches us in his office peeking through his personnel files, being fired is the _least_ of our worries."

"Oh, grow a spine!" the Sheikah chuckles.

Robin smirks, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "Come now, hero, you're supposed to be the brave one."

"Yeah, and Zel is supposed to be wise and Ganon's supposed to be powerful. Zel isn't that wise, and Ganon's more scary than powerful."

"Link Ravio Hylia," Sheik purrs, "hurry up and hunt through those files for ours before Robin gets tired of her reports and encourages you."

"I have figs," Robin agrees dreamily. "Lon'qu has been avoiding me, so I have a _lot_ of figs."

The Sheikah coughs. "Alright then, moving on. Found anything?"

"Working on it. Let's see… Shulk, Marth, Zelda, Pit… Oh, there we go! Sheik, Robin and myself." He tosses the other two their files and opens his own. "…Oh, now that's just rude!"

Sheik giggles. "Well, what did you expect? Ganon hates you."

Robin chuckles to herself, closing her file and putting it aside. "Fair," she admits cheerily. "Hey, Sheik, what's yours say?"

The other teacher moves over to show her. She laughs. "Link, what about you?"

He sighs in defeat, tossing his own file at her. Robin reads over it, brown eyes inscrutable. "Well then. I knew he hated you, but…"

"I know!" he snaps. The other two shush him quickly, and all three are momentarily alert for the sound of footsteps. "I know," Link repeats quietly once they're certain no one is coming. "Seriously, he's being a bit _too_ harsh, even for him."

Sheik nods in agreement. "He's probably just pissed that you're about fifty times more popular than he is."

"Have you been running covert polls again?" Robin asks, opening the folder of reports she's supposed to be marking.

"…Maybe. In any case, he's probably just jealous."

Link sighs. "What's a gym teacher doing running popularity polls, anyway?"

The Sheikah smirks, flopping back across the desk. "I have to know what my students think of me, do I not?"

"And…?" Robin asks curiously.

"And they love me. Seriously, this is the best job I've ever had."

"…You've been here a week."

"So?"

Before either of the other teachers can comment on this less-than-logical reply, footsteps echo down the hall. "Oh, shit," Robin mutters.

"Out the window," Sheik hisses, the files already in hand and being slid back into place. "Hurry, hurry…"

By the time Ganon opens the door, the three conspirators are long gone. And if he ever wonders how the file box managed to migrate about six feet, he never asks.

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**Yeesh, it's awful. But I was distracted by Xenoblade and school and did it all last night again. And it wasn't exactly an easy prompt.**

**By the way, Robin's comment about figs was based on her FE 13 supports with Lon'qu the gynophobic myrmidon. She throws figs at him. It is glorious.**

**And completely gender-neutral Sheik! It's a lot harder than you'd think.**

_**Next time: Cannon**_

**You'd think that'd be easy, but nope. Help, please.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	22. Cannon

**The Leone Telethia is such a bitch, my god, it's worse than Ghirahim, Zant and Ganon put together. Fuck you, healing arts.**

**Now, let's see how many of you understood that.**

**Thanks to Imagination that and Just-AWESOME-old-me (heh, welcome back) for their suggestions! As per usual, I am combining said suggestions in weird and (hopefully) wonderful ways.**

**…It's still Saturday.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**22: Cannon**__**  
**__**A poet Link is not.**_

"Shad?"

"Mm."

"…Shad?"

"Mm."

"_Shad!_"

The scholar could swear his heart falls down to his feet at the sudden increase in volume. "…Yes, Link?" he asks upon regaining his composure.

The hero grins in triumph at gaining his friend's attention. "Why is the only way to the Gerudo Desert being shot out of a cannon?" he asks. "And while I'm talking about it, why isn't there any other way to get to the City in the Sky? I know, I know," he adds before Shad can say anything, "it's really, really high. But there are dragons and stuff up there, yeah? So why can't we use one of them?"

Shad just sighs. "The flying creatures in the City in the Sky attempt to kill you if you go anywhere near them, old boy. And the Gerudo Desert can't be reached by any other means. And I thought you liked the cannons?"

"I do," Link assures him. "But even so-" He pauses, taking a quick gulp from the cider in front of him as the bartender slides it down the bar. "Mm. Thanks, Alvis. Anyway, even so, I don't want to have to fire myself out of a cannon every time I want to go anywhere. And besides, no one'll come with me anywhere, 'cause they're scared. And now that Midna's gone I can't teleport. So." He takes another drink. "This is really good, by the way. Sure you don't want anything?"

"I'm sure," Shad assures him, not for the first time. "But really, how often do you go to either of those places?"

"I'd go _more_ if it wasn't so _difficult_ to get there." Link leans back in his chair, pouting. Then he frowns contemplatively. "…Hey, Shad?"

"Yes, Link?"

Hyrule's chosen hero tilts his head to the side thoughtfully. "What rhymes with cannon?"

Shad blinks at him. "I say, that's an… odd question." _Even_ _for you_, he wants to add, but years of having politeness drilled into him keeps him quiet. "Why do you ask?"

Link shrugs, glancing away in embarrassment. "I wanted to write a poem," he mumbles. Then, louder, "But Midna wouldn't help me. Said it was stupid. And I couldn't think of a word to rhyme with cannon, so…"

"You never struck me as the poetry type," Shad replies after a moment. "But I'm sure we can think of something."

The hero perks up immediately, blue eyes gleaming. "Really? You'll help? Because everyone else said no. And all I can think of is 'Ganon', so…" He pauses. "Y'know, in hindsight, it would've been really funny to lure the pig to Lake Hylia, 'cause then I could shoot Ganon out of a cannon."

Not for the first time, Shad muses how strange his friend's sense of humour has become since saving Hyrule. "I'm sure it would have been, but Lake Hylia has dealt with enough lately, and I don't think putting it at the mercy of a gigantic pig is quite fair."

"I guess. So, what rhymes with cannon?"

"Well, there's…" The scholar halts for a moment. "And of course…"

"…You don't know any, do you," Link says rather than asks.

Shad sighs. "Well, there's canon, of course."

"But that's what we're trying to _rhyme_!"

The other groans. "No, Link, _canon_. C-A-N-O-N. Different meaning entirely."

"Oh…" Link hums. "Okay, then. Got it. Even so, I think that's cheating." He moves to take another sip of his drink, then notices he's finished it with a frown. "Hey, Alvis, can I have another one of these?" The bartender quietly passes him another one. "Thanks. So, yeah, I don't think canon really counts… It's like rhyming there with their. Technically different words, but even so…"

"Perhaps you're right," Shad sighs. "Well, boy, I don't really know. Perhaps Auru might?"

"That's what I thought. So I asked him, and Telma, and Renado, and Ashei, and Rusl. And none of them knew."

Shad stares at him. "…You asked the entire Group?"

Link just shrugs, taking another sip of his cider. The scholar pinches the bridge of his nose. "…Look, old boy, I don't know how to help. Perhaps you should check the dictionary?"

"I could do that," the hero admits. "But it's boring. I'd rather ask someone else."

Shad closes his eyes for a long moment. "Well, then, perhaps the princess will know. Although you should at least wait until morning before you ask."

Link perks up immediately. "That's brilliant! Thanks, Shad!"

He drops a few rupees on the bar to pay for his drinks and tears out. Shad groans. "What in Nayru's name is a fellow to do about this boy?" he asks of no one in particular.

Naturally, no one answers.

(Luckily enough, Zelda finds being woken in the middle of the night for questions about poetry more amusing than anything else.)

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**…What **_**does**_** rhyme with cannon, anyway?**

**So, the prompt was cannon, and yet nothing exploded or got hit with heavy projectiles. I am disappointed in myself.**

**(Oh, and hi, Alvis.)**

_**Next time: Shop**_

**…And still a distinct lack of any ideas whatsoever. Help?**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	23. Shop

**Yes, I know, it's late. I'm sorry. I had the mother of all colds, so I've been pretty out of it for the past few days. It would've been up yesterday, but the internet decided it hated me. Even so, I'm back now, right? So it's all okay, right?**

**Thanks to Imagination that for their suggestion! Didn't really do very well with it, because of *oh-shit-oh-shit-it's-two-days-late* and Xenoblade influencing me, but thanks anyway.**

**(For those of you who don't understand what Shulk's on about, he's an engineer and a weapon developer. Link's gear is too tempting for him.)**

**(And the Monado is freaking **_**scary**_**. It has this nasty habit of permanently crippling people who try to wield it.)**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**23: Shop**__**  
**__**Shopping is entertaining. Shopping for deadly weapons is even more so.**_

"Remind me why we're here again."

It isn't a question, really, and Link meets the seer's blue eyes levelly. "You were the one who wanted to know how the Hawkeye works," he points out. "You should consider yourself lucky that Malo happened to have another one in stock. Awfully convenient timing."

Shulk hums in acknowledgement, reaching back to adjust the Monado self-consciously. "And it's lucky Master Hand gave us permission," he allows. "But you could've just let me use yours. I wouldn't have broken it. In fact, I imagine I could improve it!"

Link nods. "True," he admits, "but when it comes to potentially life-saving gear, I prefer to err on the side of caution. At least, that's what Zelda says."

The engineer shrugs. "So, where's this shop of yours?" he asks, eyes flickering across the ramshackle houses of Kakariko.

The other blond steers him in the direction if Malo Mart, being very, _very_ careful not to touch the blood-red blade on his back. He's heard one too many horror stories about that thing, and though it pains him to admit it, the Monado is probably more dangerous than the Master Sword. "It's just over here. And if Malo asks about the sword, _please_ don't try to explain interdimensional travel to him."

"Why?" Shulk asks. "Will he not get it?"

"Oh, he'll get it. But I won't, and I hate feeling inferior to a seven year old."

The Homs doesn't question the ethics of a seven year old running a store that sells almost exclusively weapons, for which Link is grateful. "Got it. No overly complicated discussions where you can hear them." It's clear that he wants to make a joke of some sort, but he doesn't. Another thing to be grateful for.

"Thank you." With that, Link pushes the door open. "Malo!" he calls as the door swings open. "Sorry," he adds to Shad, who he just clocked with a fast moving bit of wood.

The scholar frowns, rubbing his head. "I say, old boy, must you be so exuberant?" he asks, irritation colouring his voice. Then he notices Shulk, and Link can _see_ his gaze fixate on the bright metal strapped across the seer's back. "Hello, there. My name is Shad, and you are…?" He holds out a hand.

"Shulk," the engineer informs him, taking it. "A pleasure to meet you. Link has talked about you at length." Actually, it was a brief mention during a conversation with some of the guys about their friends in their respective homes, but he doesn't say that.

Shad nods politely. "I'm afraid he hasn't mentioned you…" he replies uncertainly, eyes flicking over to Link momentarily.

Link sighs. "That'd be because I hadn't met him the last time I saw you," he informs the scholar. He prays silently that Shad won't ask about-

"…That sword…"

Farore dammit. "I don't think that's important, _right, Shulk_?"

Shulk blinks at him. "…Yeah," he decides eventually. "I'm just… flashy."

It's probably unnecessary, but he really, really doesn't want to get into the Monado with Shad. Not now, anyway; they've only got a day in Hyrule, after all. "Hey, Malo-"

The boy doesn't even look at him. "You're here about the Hawkeye, right?"

"Yup." He's already jiggling the rupees in his hand when Malo glances up at him. The boy sighs, clambering down from his stool and shoving it over to the shelves so he can pull the Hawkeye down and hand it over. Link grins, pouring the rupees into Malo's hands and passing the Hawkeye over to Shulk. The seer instantly slips it over his head and begins fiddling with it. He's muttering technobabble; Link elects to ignore him.

"So," Shad begins as they exit Malo Mart, "your friend is… an interesting character, is he not? Wherever did you meet him?"

Link shrugs, steering the other two in the direction of Barnes' Bombs. "The tournament… The one I said I was going to, remember? Lots of… 'interesting characters' there. Now, where's Barnes…?"

"Why in Nayru's name do you need _bombs_ during a friendly tournament?!"

"It's a very… interesting tournament," Shulk interjects, pushing the Hawkeye back from his eyes. "You'd be surprised at some of the things being used."

"Really?" Shad asks. "How do you mean?"

Shulk probably continues, likely with that starry-eyed look he always gets talking about things that interest him, but Link pushes open the door to the bomb shop and the heavy steel panel grinding back into place cuts off the conversation.

Barnes frowns in confusion when Link steps in. "Thought you were still at that tournament… thing," he says by way of greeting.

Link shrugs. "I took a day off to show a friend of mine around; figured I'd stock up while I'm here."

Really, if he's honest, shopping was his main reason for offering to bring Shulk with him to Hyrule, but he won't say it.

Hey, even heroes who compete in interdimensional competitions have the right to go on shopping sprees now and then.

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**It's 5:40-ish in the afternoon two days after this was supposed to be up, **_**fuck it I'm done**_**.**

**(By the way, Shulk doesn't question the ethics of a seven year old selling weapons because he was designing and probably testing weapons at that age. Bionis has no laws against these things.)**

**Next time: Inhumanity**

**Help me, my wellspring of creativity has run dry.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	24. Inhumanity

**Hey, guys. Bloody hell, life sucks. But Xenoblade's going well. So.**

**Thanks to Imagination that for their suggestion. Didn't end up using it, but thanks.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**24: Inhumanity**_

"Link, what- Where did you get _that_?!"

Link ignores the princess, instead focusing his gaze on the mask in his hands. There's something… darkly beautiful about it; something that makes him nervous, but at the same time… "This is… interesting," he settles on, running fingers along the war paint on the mask's cheeks.

"It's _creepy_," Colin decides. "Put it back."

"No," Link murmurs. "I think we should keep it. Maybe it'll come in useful."

"…It is a rather disturbing mask, old boy," Shad begins. "Are you certain we ought to… keep it?"

The light plays oddly off the surface of the mask. Link smirks. "Aw, c'mon, Shad. Scared?"

"I- No!" the scholar yelps. "I just think we should-"

"It's just a _mask_, Shad," the hero insists. "Nothing to be scared of."

Everyone else stares at him. Zelda scowls. "Link, when I said we were visiting Hylia's storehouse, I never said you could just take-"

"It's important," Link interrupts. "Please, Zel. Trust me?"

The princess hesitates. "…Very well."

And that, though none of them realise it, is the beginning of the end.

**...**

"Link?" Colin calls, peeking through the door.

"Mm," comes the reply. "Early… Tired… Let me sleep."

The boy frowns, stepping into the house. "Link, it's past noon."

"Mm…" Link rolls himself off the top platform and lands with a _thud_ on the ground below. Colin wants to run to him, but something holds him in place, and Link rolls to his feet, one hand trailing along the wall as he does, running over that damned mask. "So, what's up? Did you need me for something?" He absently unhooks the mask, running fingers along its cheeks as he talks. Something almost predatory appears in his eyes, something that makes Colin want to shy away from him.

"…No, not really. But Mum made pumpkin pie, and she thought you might like some…"

"Ooh, that sounds good!" The darkness vanishes from Link's gaze as quickly as it appeared. "Tell Uli I'll be there in a minute, okay?"

He doesn't say what he's planning to do, and Colin doesn't ask. He's just glad to get away from the gloomy treehouse and back to the bright skies of the rest of Ordon.

**...**

Things just get worse as time passes. Before long, it isn't unusual to go weeks without anyone seeing Link, and Rusl packs up his sword and goes to visit the Group.

Shad sighs. "I knew there would be trouble over that dratted mask," he grumbles. "I've been doing some research, and I think I've found a few things. It's called the Fierce Deity mask, and… it's supposedly possessed."

"Possessed?" Rusl asks. "How so?"

"It's… complicated," the scholar murmurs. "To simplify it, anyone who puts on the mask is transformed into a godlike being- if it doesn't kill them first. This being is incredibly powerful, but… not exactly friendly. Believe me when I say that if Link puts on that mask, there is no happy ending for any of us."

For a long moment, everyone is still. Then Rusl grunts. "As I said, Link has been very… distant lately. Is it possible that he's already put the mask on?"

Shad manages a faint smile. "The Fierce Deity is said to be ten feet tall, and the transformation is supposedly agonising. I imagine we would know if Link had activated it."

"Even so," Ashei decides, "we should get that thing away from Link, yeah?"

They nod in agreement.

**...**

"The mask?" Link asks cheerily. "Don't be ridiculous. It's just a mask." He chuckles, running a hand along Epona's side. "Imagine being possessed by a piece of wood! Haha… ha…" He frowns thoughtfully.

"Then there shouldn't be any problem with giving it to us for safekeeping," Rusl presses.

The hero blinks in confusion. "What, don't you trust me to keep it safe? Rusl, you _know_ me. It's perfectly safe where it is."

"And where is that?" the older man asks. "Your door doesn't lock, Link. Are you certain it's-"

"Oh, it's not in my house," Link interrupts. "I know the legends about this thing, so I keep it with me." He reaches around to the back of his sword belt and pulls out the mask, holding it up for inspection. "See? Maybe I'm boasting, but I can't think of a safer place for it than where I can see it."

"Link, I really think you should give it to us to hang on to, if only so Shad can study it."

Link scowls at him. "So what you're saying is, you don't trust me to keep it safe. Right?"

Rusl glances around. The kids are starting to gather, drawn by the irritated voices. "Link," he says warningly.

The hero scans the area briefly. "I… have work to do," he mutters, pocketing the mask again.

"This conversation isn't over," Rusl tells him. "Perhaps we could-"

"This conversation _is_ over, Rusl," Link insists. His eyes flash, the colour seeming to drain from them in the light, leaving them a flat white. Rusl steps back, and doesn't move until the younger man has slid past and out the gates of Ordon.

**...**

Link taps the table in a steady rhythm, eyes narrowed as he eyes the mask before him. "Stupid Rusl," he mutters. "Like I can't keep you safe on my own…"

The lifeless eyes of the mask seem to flare, and Link's own gaze pales faintly in response. "_They don't trust you_," it whispers sibilantly. "_They think they would make better guardians than you_."

"Well, they're _wrong_," the hero retorts. "No one here could possibly be a better guardian than me. Could they?"

The mask doesn't answer, and Link snarls a laugh. The Group fears what this mask could do to him, he knows; they fear what it can do, are terrified at the thought that it could strip away his humanity. Silly, really. The mask speaks to him, tells him wondrous takes of his past. But he won't let it take anything from him.

"_Not yet_," Oni purrs. "_Not yet_."

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**So yeah, it's shit. But it's already late. So.**

**Hopefully next week's will be on time.****  
**_**  
**__**Next time: Intruder**_**  
(Oh, hi, Sheik. (I'd use Soren, but lucky you, he hasn't made his appearance yet, so I can't add more FE to this.))**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	25. Intruder

**In a week it'll be the half-anniversary of this story, roughly. Huh.**

**And, hey, it's early for a change! I'm going to be up north until Tuesday, without internet access. So.**

**Disclaimed.****  
**  
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_**25: Intruder**__**  
**__**In which Link has a semi-unexpected late night visitor.**_

It's the rattle of the door hinges that first alerts Link to his guest.

It isn't entirely unexpected, to be honest. He'd had a suspicion that he'd be getting a visit at some point tonight; in fact, he'd loosened the hinges specifically. Not that he'd informed the visitor in question of this awareness.

_click-click-click-twang-thunk._

"Very funny, Link," comes a voice from down the hall.

Link chuckles, rising to his feet and stepping out of the room. Sheik scowls at him, surprisingly menacingly for someone dangling upside down by their ankles. "You're not supposed to break into people's houses, Sheik."

The other shrugs. "What's a few break-ins between friends? Now, are you planning on letting me down, or…?"

The blond sighs, moving to the wall and unraveling the rope. Sheik yelps as it does, falling with a muted thud onto the floor. "Really? Just drop me on my face, why don't you. Not like I need it, or anything." This is followed by several other, less intelligible mutterings. Link is suddenly glad he doesn't speak Sheikah.

"Calm down," he teases. "If you'd knocked like a regular person, I would've disabled the traps. So it's basically your fault."

"It is not," comes the reply. The Sheikah moves to stand with typical grace. "And, speaking of 'regular people', who booby-traps their front hallway?"

Link shrugs. "Been having a lot of trouble with thieves lately. Figured I ought to set up something to discourage them." He raises an eyebrow. "I could call the police, if you'd rather."

"Calling the police on your own friend?" Sheik asks, wandering towards the kitchen. "You're cold. Besides, they can't catch me anyways."

Link follows, opening the fridge and passing his friend an apple. "I'd offer you more, but I was so busy setting up the trap I forgot to go shopping, so…"

"Incredible," the Sheikah says dryly, biting into the fruit. "I could-"

"No, you are not stealing food for me," Link interjects, attempting to look stern. Judging from the snickering, he's not entirely successful. "I have my own money, Sheik."

"You're no fun," the thief complains lightly. "Come on, Link…"

"No." That's the end of it. Even Sheik knows better than to push it. "So, what's pushed you to break into my house at…" he pauses to check the clock, "…three in the morning? I assume there's a reason."

As if on cue, red and blue lights colour the kitchen walls. Sheik shrugs sheepishly. "Oh, you know… I shut the door behind me. There's no evidence I came here."

"Sheik!" Link complains. "What have I told about coming here to escape the cops?" He drops his voice to a murmur.

The other just smirks. "To not get caught doing it."

"Well, yeah, but-" He cuts himself off, grunting irritably. "Suppose I can't kick you out until they leave…"

"It would be most unheroic," the thief agrees. "The wielder of the Master Sword should not throw his friend and guide under the bus."

Link scowls. "First, I don't have the Master Sword at the moment. Second, you are a terrible guide. Seriously, _Navi_ is more use than you."

"Oh, now you're just being insulting."

They stare at each other for a long moment, as the lights of the police cruiser fade away, plunging the kitchen back into semi-darkness. Then they burst out laughing. "So," Link manages, "what did you take this time?"

"Twenty bucks and a really, _really_ ugly portrait of our dear piggy friend," Sheik informs him. "I burnt it. Oh, and a puppy."

"A _puppy_?! You took his puppy?!"

"Mmm. I'm going to keep him. Zel will love it."

Link chuckles. "You took his puppy," he repeats in disbelief. "That is so… you."

"Why thank you," the Sheikah purrs. "By the way, you're out of arrows."

"But I just stocked up yester-" He stops. "Sheik…"

"Heh."

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**It's terrible. But still.**

**More gender-neutral Sheik! Bloody hell, this is hard.**

**Next time: Autopsy**

…**Well, fuck. Help.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	26. Autopsy

**Hello again! I'm back from the great north, this time with no bug bites and a much greater grasp of Xenoblade plot points. Bloody hell, the boss battles are evil in that game…**

**High school is evil and the teachers like tormenting us with twenty projects at a time. Also this was a really hard prompt and you lot weren't being as helpful as you usually are. Likely because autopsy is painfully hard.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**26: Autopsy**__**  
**__**Fuck my entire fucking life.**_

"You know," Link comments, scowling at the body on the table before him, "there has to be a better way of figuring out how someone dies."

In his head, the body shrugs, stretching. "Can't be helped."

In reality, of course, none of this happens. But reality is boring anyway. Instead, Link focuses on the corpse he's supposed to be cutting open.

The young man looks to have been a year or so younger than Link himself. Surprisingly similar-looking, too, with messy blond hair falling into his eyes. He's thin, with lean muscles in his arms and chest. A runner, maybe? It's hard to tell. There's a sheet pulled up to his waist; dead or no, Link prefers to allow his subjects to maintain some level of dignity. His eyes are closed, but Link knows the irises are blood red.

_Sheikah.__  
_  
He has to admit, a part of him is curious. The Sheikah are near-extinct; how did one of them end up in his lab? The circumstances are strange, too. No apparent injuries, no evidence of poison or illness… It's almost like he just dropped dead of his own accord. Maybe he did. Who knows?

"Any luck?"

Link jumps, turning to face Zelda. His coworker just blinks. "Don't startle me like that! And, no. There's nothing in his system that could've killed him. It's weird."

The girl frowns. "Well…" she considers, "is it possible that Sheikah have different biology to Hylians?"

"Maybe…" He finds himself doubting it.

**...**

Late that night, Link returns to the morgue. He's just grabbing his stuff, really; it's not that he wants to see the Sheikah again, or anything like that. He just needs to get something.

The second he steps through the door, he knows something is wrong. The lights are still off, and the door was locked, but… It's as if something is missing.

Well, he decides, he may as well check the Sheikah. Since he's already here, that is; it's not like he came down here specifically to do so. Coming all the way to the basement just to look at a body would be weird.

It's gone. "Well," he mutters. "Disappearing corpses? Just a normal Wednesday night. Should've seen this coming." Even if bodies don't usually disappear.

"Do you normally talk to yourself?" It's a simple enough question, one that he almost answers before realising, yes, there is someone else in the room, and no, that wasn't his imagination.

"Wha- Who- How did you get in here?!" And who is he? The voice is undeniably masculine, but the person himself is impossible to see. As if on cue, the lights go out, plunging the morgue into darkness. "Hey! Show yourself!"

There's a soft laugh. "I'm not hiding, you know. I've been sitting on the table this whole time…"

Link whips around, pulling out his phone and using the screen to light up the table. Sure enough, there's an indistinct figure perched on it. He steps around the table carefully, reaching out to flick the lights on again. "What the-?!"

His mouth opens and closes soundlessly for a time. His shock is, he thinks, perfectly understandable; it's not often you find a dead body sitting up and talking to you. It's the Sheikah, the one that was so recently cut open on the very table he's now so nonchalantly perched on. "How- What- Why are- Huh?"

The Sheikah chuckles, red eyes sliding shut for a moment. "I assume you're wondering how I'm alive? Or shall I attempt to answer your questions in the same manner you asked them?"

Link blinks. "I- Um- Yes! Uh, how are you… alive? I mean… you were… pretty dead. I performed an autopsy. So. Even if you weren't dead before, you… should be. Now."

"Yes, I suppose. To be honest, I'm not exactly certain what happened myself." He pauses. "I'm Sheik, by the way," he offers, holding out a hand.

Link takes it. "Sheik the Sheikah?" he asks wryly.

Sheik shrugs. "Yes, my parents weren't the most imaginative people. In any case, I was wondering if you could help me figure out how I ended up here, considering the last place I remember is… very different." He closes his eyes for a long moment, lost in thought.

Link frowns. "Uh… Sheik? You in there?"

"Hm? Ah, yes. I apologise." He taps out a rhythm against the steel. "I should've been paying attention. Sorry… er…"

"Link," he offers.

Sheik looks startled. "…Link," he murmurs. "It's… nice to meet you."

The tone of the conversation has shifted; for a moment, Sheik looks far older than he is. "So, where are you from?"

The Sheikah looks like a deer in headlights for a second. "…Kakariko," he says. "Kakariko Village."

That… isn't possible. Kakariko is…

_"Stay back, Link!"_

Link shakes his head. "Right. Okay. Look, you- You can't stay here. You're supposed to be dead; if you turn up alive, it'll cause… problems. Lots of them. Uh. Do you have anywhere to go?"

Sheik shakes his head. "…I don't think so? It's fuzzy."

Oh. Great. Dead guy comes back to life, and Link can't even smuggle him out of the building and wash his hands of the matter. "Well. You could… come home with me. For tonight. You know?"

Sheik hesitates. Then he smiles slowly. "Uh… alright. If you're sure."

It's too early to tell for sure, but Link has the feeling this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

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**Aw, these guys.**

**I'll continue this one later, I think. Because sort-of-dead Sheik and ME Link is a recipe for craziness. And that's wonderful.**

_**Next time: Haggle**_

**Hmm… I want to fit it into this AU, but I'm not sure how… Send me your suggestions, pretty please!**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	27. Haggle

**I've been played FE again. So guess who's guest starring this week?**

**Also bad pickup lines, because these guys are corny as fuck.**

**All of Link's cheesy pickup lines come from pickuplinesgalore_com/zelda. Replace the underscore with a period. Robin's wind mage one comes from a serenesforest forum. The others are mine, because cheesy FE pickup lines are glorious fun.**

**Thanks to Stories R Life for their suggestion! Altered, but…**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**27: Haggle**_

"Ten."

Link scowls. "Ten?! You're kidding. Five."

The shopkeeper chuckles. "Sorry, kid. Eight, and no lower."

The Hero of Light mutters insults under his breath and storms back to his friend. The tactician chuckles. "Trouble?"

Link hisses something unrepeatable about the shopkeeper's parentage. "I hate shopping. I saved the kingdom! And as much as I hate taking advantage of the fact, you'd think there'd be _some_ kind of discount!"

Robin shrugs. "Same for us. 'Oh, you need a tome? That'll be a thousand gold or so, thank you.' You'd think that the fate of the world would be motivation for a discount."

Link nods. "I know! Seriously."

"What were you trying to buy, anyway?"

The hero chuckles. "…A book of legends," he admits, embarrassed. "It looked interesting, so…"

"Ah." Robin stands, stretching. "You go on ahead, alright? I've just got a couple more things to pick up." There's a mischievous glint in his eyes that makes Link agree very quickly.

(Apparently, that glint once led to fighting in an active volcano. He doesn't want to risk it.)

**...**

"Hey."

Robin just grunts in response, collapsing onto the couch.

Link chuckles. "Thought you said you only had _few_ things to pick up. It looks like you bought out half the market!"

The tactician sighs. "I had more to get than I thought, I guess. Including this," he adds, allowing a heavy-looking book to dangle from his fingers with the ease of someone who carries heavy tomes around at all times.

Link stares at him. "That's the book I was looking at! Uh, can I-" His hands flutter towards it.

Robin tugs it back, out of reach. "Ah, ah, ah," he sings. "If you want this, you'll have to bargain for it."

"Wha- Robin!"

The tactician laughs. "Think of it as practice," he suggests. "After all, I won't always be here to do the bargaining for you. I have to go home eventually."

Link groans. "I hate you sometimes, you know that? Um, okay… I'll give you… coffee."

"Link, I _make_ the coffee," Robin reminds him. "Try again."

"Oh, uh, right. So… I could… um…"

The other chuckles. "I'll give you a hint. The trick to haggling is to figure out what the other person wants. So…?"

Link scowls. "Um… Okay. A sword, a new tome…"

"Nothing that costs money."

The hero nods. "Right. Got it. …Um."

Robin coughs, trying to hold back his laughter. "You have _no_ idea, do you." It isn't a question.

"Absolutely none," Link admits. "…Dear Farore, I'm terrible at this."

"I won't deny it," the tactician agrees. "Here, I'll tell you a story. Something Ike told me about his tactician."

"Soren, right?"

"That's the one." Robin clears his throat. "So, there was this one shopkeeper who was completely obsessed with Ike. She tried everything to get into his pants. It was… kind of scary. But, one night, he was buying some things from her, and she said she'd give him a discount if he said he loved her. Really, she was planning on spreading news of what he said. So, Soren comes in, tells him her plan, and sends him out. And you know what he does to get the discount she promised Ike? He flirts with her."

Link snickers. "That's one way of haggling."

The tactician smirks. "Awfully effective, though."

They're both silent for a second. "…Seriously? That's your suggestion?"

Robin just shrugs. "Depends on how good you are."

Link chuckles awkwardly. "Uh, Ashei tells me I can't flirt to save my life. In fact, to hear her say it, the world would be doomed."

"Make an attempt."

"Um," the hero starts. "Ah. Robin, can't you give me a different tip?"

"I _could_," Robin admits. "But, then I'd miss seeing you attempt to flirt with me. And I wouldn't want that."

"Well. Um." Link coughs. "Do you have the Mirror Shield? Because I can see myself in your tunic."

Robin giggles. "Link!"

The hero grins. "Are you a Deku Nut? Because you're stunning me."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Heh. You're hotter than Din's Fire."

Robin is crying with laughter. "Okay, okay. Wait, wait- Let me try. Um… Are you a wind mage? Because you blow me away."

"Oh, that's awful," Link comments.

"Shut up. Uh… You must be holding a Thunder tome, because I'm seeing sparks fly."

"Pfft…"

"Okay, one more, one more. Let's see… If Naga could see us now, she'd tell us to get a room."

They meet each other's gaze, then burst into peals of helpless laughter. "Goddesses," Link manages. "That was…"

"Ridiculous," Robin forces out between giggles. "'You're hotter than Din's Fire'? Really?"

"And you with your Naga thing?" Link retorts. "Never thought I'd hear you say anything of the sort!"

Robin sighs. "Here." He passes over the book. "You've earned this."

"Why, thank you." Link takes it, setting it beside him. "Next time, I'll grab something extra, and you can barter it off me."

The tactician grins. "I'll look forward to it."

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**BAD PICKUP LINES FTW.**

**I wanted them to kiss. It didn't happen.**

**But hey, it's on time.**

_**Next time: Bitter**_**  
…I got nothing.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	28. Bitter

**I do believe I have discovered the most annoying sound in the universe. Bloody Lorithia…**

**"You will pay for your insolence!"**

**So yeah, I've been playing Xenoblade again. In fact, I was gonna use Shulk for this one, but then I realised that as someone who probably lives alone most of the time he'd likely be a decent cook, if nothing spectacular.**

_**Robin**_** on the other hand…**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**  
**__**28: Bitter**_

_Why did I agree to this?_

Everyone had warned him. Even _Shulk_, who usually went along with whatever the tactician suggested, had refused. But not Link. No, he would be brave and do a good deed for his friend.

(Well, it was more that Robin has a puppy eyes look so pleading it should be illegal. But that's not the point.)

So here he is, sitting in the kitchen and trying to prepare himself for the torture that awaits him. The anticipation could be deadly.

Robin can't cook. At. All. In fact, Shulk once described it as tasting like _steel_. And this is from the guy who's been considered to have no sense of taste.

Robin perches on the counter nearby, muttering to himself. "So, Link… You don't have to worry. Really! I've been practicing a lot, so it should be okay…"

"Uh… right," Link says. He forces a reassuring smile. "I'm sure it'll be fine! Even if it's not _perfect_, it won't be the worst thing I've eaten. I mean, it'd take skill to *make* something that bad."

"You're not helping," the other grumbles, carefully lifting a bowl down from the counter. "Uh… here. Try this."

It looks like soup, if Link's being charitable. If he's not, it looks like muddy water, and it certainly doesn't look edible. "…Thanks, Robin. I think."

"Well, that's great for my confidence," the tactician mutters. "Just… try it, okay?"

Actually, it's not as bad as he was expecting. It tastes sort of like dirt, and yes, that is a faintly steely aftertaste, but it's palatable. When he manages to eat most of it, Robin visibly brightens. To be honest, watching his friend smile like that makes the taste worth it. "So… what do you think?"

Link hesitates. "Well… um…"

"It was terrible, wasn't it." Robin sighs. "Damn. And I thought I did much better…"

"No, no!" the hero objects. "It wasn't _good_, but I wouldn't call it _terrible_. It needs work, sure, but you're getting there!"

The tactician raises an eyebrow. "You've never had my cooking before," he points out. "How do you know I'm 'getting there'?"

Oops. "Well, um… it may have been… mentioned. By… people."

"Chrom?"

"Um."

"And Shulk?"

Link stares at him. "How did you-?"

Robin shrugs. "Chrom, Lucina and Shulk are the only people who've tried my cooking, and Lucina does her best not to irritate anyone. As such, it could only have been Chrom and Shulk. Two and two."

Link chuckles. "You're good."

"Why thank you." The tactician sighs. "…Um, I have some pie, if you don't mind…?"

"Sure, sure," the hero agrees. He feels a little like he's signing his own death warrant, but that's the price to pay.

Robin grins, grabbing the pie from the counter, unwrapping the cloth keeping it warm. It looks like a normal cherry pie; the smell is a little off, and it probably won't taste right, but at least it looks okay. "So, you don't have to take much… If it's awful, I'd rather you tell me straight out. Okay?"

Link nods, scooping a bite into his mouth. It's… _bitter_. That's the only word for it. Incredibly, disgustingly bitter. He coughs, trying to surreptitiously grab the glass of water in front of him. Robin sighs, pushing it closer. Link gulps it down.

"That bad, huh?" the tactician asks morosely.

Link hesitates. "Did you use _any_ sugar?" he asks.

"Um."

"Well, there's the problem right there," the hero informs him. "And, hey; it's still not the _worst _thing I've ever had!" Coro's soup definitely takes that prize. "And it's probably better than anything I could make. I've been told I could've defeated Ganon by cooking him a meal. And I've managed to set water on fire. Literally."

Robin stares at him. "…I've done that too. But I don't think yours was intentional."

Link sighs. "No. I wish, though. That must've looked amazing."

The tactician chuckles. "Yeah, it did. Tell you what; next time, you can torment me with your cooking."

"I look forward to it."

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******It is very short. Ah well, at least it's on time.**

_**Next time: Tribute**_**  
****…Hunger Games AU, anyone?**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	29. Tribute

**I was going to do a Hunger Games AU, then I read FE fics involving human sacrifice and remembered how much I like Oni the crazy god. So yeah.**

**Also, no guest stars this time! I'm so proud of myself.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**29: Tribute**_

_Fuck my entire fucking life._

Sure, Link was a hero. Sure, he put his life on the line for Hyrule. Thing is, there's a difference between _heroics_ and _human sacrifice_, and that line is not supposed to be crossed.

And yet here he is, about to be fed to a god. Oh, goody. Really, is this his purpose in life? To just do… whatever the goddesses say, even if it's ridiculous?

He's distracted by the sudden _click-clack_ of boot heels against stone and _dear Farore, here it comes_. Embodiment of Courage or no, he flinches, eyes slamming closed. He really, _really_ doesn't want to watch himself get devoured body and soul.

"Look at me, boy," hisses a voice. Oh, _good_, he can _talk_, too.

One does not simply disobey a god, though. So Link glances up and meets the god's white-eyed gaze.

Well. That's interesting.

The god looks almost exactly like him, except with silvery hair and flat white eyes and war paint decorating his face, and _oh-gods-oh-gods-oh-gods-I'm-going-to-die-__  
_  
He averts his eyes again.

There's a soft, unnaturally high chuckle, and the god presses fingers under his chin and forces their eyes to meet. "I said look, boy," he hums. "Am I so terrifying you can't meet my gaze? Some embodiment of courage you are."

Oh, that's uncalled for. "Kill me if you like, but don't _mock _me!" Link snaps.

There's a soft intake of breath hanging in the air around him, as if unseen observers have been taken aback by his actions. Knowing the people he's 'protecting' by doing this, that's probably exactly what's happening. But Link fixes his gaze on the god before him and waits with bated breath to see what he'll do now.

There's a long silence that seems to stretch on forever. Then the god shrieks with laughter, dancing away a few paces. "There's that fire!" he cheers. "So you're not going to just stand there and let me belittle you? Good! It's so _boring_ when they're cowards; they just stand there and _whimper_. A lot of them soil themselves too. It's disgusting, really. About time I got a decent sacrifice!"

"I live to serve," Link snarks irritably. "If you're going to eat me, would you hurry up and do it?"

"_Eat_ you?" the other repeats. "I'm not going to _eat_ you, boy! That'd be barbaric!" He chuckles. "Eat you. Honestly, what sort of stories have your goddesses fed you? No, I'll keep you around for a bit, maybe take a couple memories, then send you on your merry way. Simple!"

"…Memories?" Link asks cautiously.

"Oh, yes. I'm the God of Time, y'see. And it's so _boring_ locked away down here, so I usually take a few memories from my sacrifices, just for something new to look at. Like buying a new book. Y'know?" The god shrugs. "I won't take anything vital, if that's what you're worried about. You'll still know who you are and how to breathe and talk and stuff. Just little things, like… walks in the woods, exploring ruins, that sort of thing."

It seems far too simple. "And yet no one ever mentions you doing this sort of thing."

The god sighs. "Well, if word got out, it would ruin my reputation, and we can't have that. So when you leave, I'll wipe your memory of this encounter as well." He coughs. "…And that's where the problem lies."

Link scowls. "What problem?"

The other scuffs his feet along the stone like a guilty child. "Well… none of the sacrifices have ever survived that part of the procedure. So you probably are going to die. Sorry."

"What?!" So he's going to die getting his memories sucked out his ears. Oh, _joy_. "Well, then, maybe I'll just stay here for the rest of my life."

The god chuckles. Then he pauses, frowning thoughtfully. "Assuming you're serious, that might actually work out. I could use the company, and there's certainly enough space down here…"

Today is crazy enough to be a dream. What's a little more weirdness, after being chosen as a tribute for a dark god who apparently steals memories for a living?

"So… Hang on. If I stay here, I'll live?"

The god shrugs again. "Well, yeah. But if you decide to leave, I have to wipe your memory, and you'll probably die. So."

It's not really much of a choice.

**…**

Life isn't that bad, really.

Oni is a very strange god; for the most part he acts like a hyperactive child, except when the latest sacrifice arrives. At this time, Link usually locks himself in his room. He doesn't leave until the screaming stops. Oni never explains what happens when the memory removal backfires; Link finds he's scared to ask.

But it's a decent enough life, especially considering that he wasn't expecting to survive past his seventeenth birthday.

When he turns eighteen, Oni shows him some of the memories he picked up from the latest sacrifice. It's… nice, in a weird way, to see the world outside their rooms; even if it is through a dead man's eyes. Maybe that's why Oni keeps doing this. Even though he can't be sure what's happened to the friends he's left behind.

Of course, he knows that one day he'll find his way back to them; but that's a story for another day.

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******…Or another prompt. We shall see.**** (God, this was shit. I will attempt to do better next time.)****  
**_**  
**__**Next time: Eventless**_**  
****…I swear my random word generator is out to get me. Help?**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	30. Eventless

**I have no clue what I'm doing…**

**Sorry it's a bit late. I had the cold from hell, and I couldn't focus long enough to get this done…**

**I was stuck in a bathroom while I wrote this. Bloody door came off its rollers, if that makes any sense. Just thought I'd mention that.****  
**

**(Warning for brief mentions of attempted suicide.)**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**30: Eventless**_

It's so _boring_ here.

Link always thought that the afterlife would be… well… _lifelike_. He thought that the people he cared about would be there, that there'd be laughter and joy.

Really, it's just an empty void.

He keeps himself as busy as he can, wandering the blank white of this world. He wonders about those he lost, if they're somewhere better than this. He hopes so. But at the same time, he would rather have a friend with him.

He thinks he hallucinates sometimes; it's the closest he gets to dreams, watching silhouettes dancing just out of reach, backing away as he gets closer. If he could just touch them, he knows he'd escape this hell-

But he can't, so he spends his time chasing fantasies through the empty white. The monotony goes on, and on, and occasionally he tries to fall on his own sword, only to climb back to his feet less than a minute later. So the Goddesses make even his attempts at _death_ a farce. Joy.

In the end, these attempts become his only escape, brief as it is, but he tries to limit them. You can only fall on your sword so many times before you start worrying about your sanity, and for him it may be possible to actually reach that limit.

So he wanders around the empty whiteness, waiting for something to change. All he has are his thoughts and memories, which aren't the greatest company. When he lived, he was happy with his accomplishments. But now, all he can think of are his failures.

_Though I accepted life as the hero, I could not pass on its lessons…_

So he waits. And waits. And waits.

There's nothing to _do_. Nothing ever happens. Nothing changes. All he can do is sit in this empty nothing and wait for something to happen.

Then one day it does.

He can see again, he realises suddenly. He's sitting in a forest. And he's a wolf, a fact which should probably shock him more than it does. But when you've seen as much as he has…

The young man standing before him is achingly familiar, blue eyes wide and wary. His wolf jaws pull back in a snarl, and the boy draws his sword with the sound of steel on leather. It's so damn _familiar_, and he leaps instinctively and buries his teeth in the boy's shoulder, and everything around them vanishes in a flash of light.

When he can see again, the pair of them are in the white nothingness he's lived in for so long. The boy's eyes widen upon seeing him, sword once again leaping into his hand. He attacks quickly, sharp and deadly, but no match for the Shade's strength and experience.

It's good to fight again, regardless. And the boy is a quick leaner.

When he leaves, a faint smile touches the Shade's lips. Finally, he has something to look forward to.

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**It's so shiiiit…**

**I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this, it really wasn't worth it. Ah well.**

_**Next time: Star**_**  
****…Nope, I've got nothing. It'll be much more likely to come out on time with some assistance in the ideas department…**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	31. Star

**31 chapters already? Bloody hell.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**31: Star**_

"Shad? …Shad. …Shad!"

The scholar sighs, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Yes, Link. What is it?"

Link scowls up at the sky. "What's that constellation, there?" He points at a cluster of reddish stars near the horizon.

Shad frowns. "That's the… Red Bird, I believe it's called."

"Doesn't look like any bird I've ever seen," Link comments.

"Apparently it was named for a creature that no longer walks this land."

"It's like a dragon," the hero murmurs. "A dragon-bird."

"Perhaps." Shad scans the sky, then points out a swirl of green-blue stars nearby. "That one is-"

"Farore's Wind," Link interrupts. "Yeah. I know that one." It's hard to tell in the half-light of the stars, but he seems to be scowling. "It's a spell, too."

"…Ah." Shad coughs. "Which other constellations do you know?"

"Well…" Link scans the sky. "There's the Golden Triangles, of course… and Din's Fire and Nayru's Love… Oh, and the Goddess' Sword."

"I've never heard of that last one."

The hero smiles, pointing at a long, thin triangle of brilliant stars. "There, see? Apparently, one of the goddesses took the sword of her champion and put it in the sky so no one could forget what he did. But no one seems to remember anyway. It's kind of sad."

"It is, I suppose," Shad agrees.

"And there's the Deity Mask," Link continues absently, pointing out an oval of red stars almost directly overhead. "See? It's said that the mask belonged to an ancient god. But he went rogue and was sealed inside it, and the goddesses put him among the stars so he could watch the people live."

"Really."

Link rolls over, staring at him. "I'm not making this up!" he protests. "Shad!"

"I believe you," Shad soothes. "There's the North Star, there," he adds.

The hero rolls onto his back again, hands behind his head. "Beautiful. You know, I was starting to think I'd never get to see the stars like this again."

"Agreed. After everything that's happened, it is amazing how little the sky has changed."

"Well, that's not exactly what-" Link begins, before cutting himself off. "No, you're right. We should be thankful."

The pair fall into a comfortable silence, illuminated only by the stars overhead.

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******It's shit again, but hey, at least it's on time.**

_**Next time: Journal**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	32. Journal

**You guys know you're allowed to give me suggestions, right?**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**32: Journal**_

Other than the sound of pen on paper, Link's house is silent when Colin opens the door. He knocks on the wall. "Link?"

"Yeah?" comes the reply. "What is it?"

"Mom says that dinner's ready," he says.

"Oh, good." Link jumps off the balcony above, tucking a pen behind his ear as he lands. "Although she really doesn't have to cook for me."

Colin frowns. "Uh, what were you doing, anyway?"

"Oh…" Link flushes faintly. "It's just… I don't want to forget everything I've seen, so… I have a journal. It's not much, really, but…"

"Can I see?"

The hero smiles. "After dinner," he promises. "If your parents agree."

**...**

Uli and Rusl have no objections, so that night Colin finds himself sitting on the floor in Link's house, waiting for the older boy to fetch the journal from wherever he left it.

"Ah, here it is!" Link appears before him, a battered, leather-bound book in his hands. "Come and look," he beckons.

The book is filled, at first, with increasingly-detailed sketches of monsters; bokoblins, Dekus, bats and so on. As pages pass, the sketches are of stranger things; shadow beasts and Twilit monstrosities. There are descriptions underneath, noting dangers and weak points, as well as comments on the monsters' intelligence, or lack thereof. Colin shoots him a look at these. Link just shrugs.

Further in the book, there are a smattering of drawings of places and people that Link saw over his journey. Underneath are little notes on where they were and what they were like.

Near the back are sketches of people that Link knows better; the Group, Luda and Renado, the Ordonians…

Colin can't help but pause when he reaches his own page. Link drew him with his wooden sword on his back, standing outside his house. The notes are no more interesting than anyone else's, but no less, either.

They flick through a few more pages in silence, stopping at a half-finished sketch of an imp-like creature. Link smiles sadly at the image, falling silent. Colin wants to ask who this is, what she meant to him, but…

It's not his business, really.

"…Hey, Link?"

"Hm?" The older boy shakes his head, leaving his thoughts behind. "Sorry. What is it, Colin?"

Even if he's not going to ask about the imp, he's still… "Why don't you have a page here? I mean, you have everyone else, even Barnes, but…"

Link chuckles. "Well, it's _my_ journal," he points out. "I doubt I'm going to forget myself."

It's an obvious point, and Colin flushes in embarrassment. "Oh, r-right. I just thought-"

The hero smiles. "It's not a bad idea, though. Oh, I know; you can make me one! I can't do it myself, I'm obviously biased. So…"

Colin nods hesitantly. "Right… Okay… I can try…" It's flattering, that Link trusts him to do this.

Link shoots him one of his famous blinding-bright smiles. "Thanks, Colin. You're the best."

Well. Even if Link is a hero, he's always been impossible to say no to.

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**Look how shit it is. And late.**

_**Next time: Wake**_**  
****Nope, still nothing. SUGGESTIONS, please.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	33. Wake

**Yes, I know, it's late as fuck. But to be fair I'm working on culminating at the moment. Two of them. FOR THE SAME CLASS.**

**Thanks to Imagination that and Guest for their suggestions, even though I didn't use them. Because I reread some of the old chapters and looked at my Smash Bros. faculty one, so they've returned.**

**(Shulk is now engineering, by the way. I'm trying to find a position for Cloud, but since gym's taken… Auto shop, maybe.)**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**33: Wake**_

"…Link? Link. …Link!"

"Eh?" Link opens his eyes slowly, lifting his head off his head. Shulk, leaning against said desk, sighs, shaking his head.

"You fell asleep," the engineer says, chuckling. "In class. I had to get your students to let me in."

"Shit!" Link jolts upright. He glances sheepishly at his students. "…Uh, sorry?"

"He's been trying to wake you for at least five minutes," one of them informs him.

"We had to talk him out of using an air horn," another agrees.

Link shoots his friend a look. The other blond shrugs. "What?" he asks. "You're impossible to wake up, you know. Consider yourself lucky I didn't ask Sheik or Cloud to help."

It's a fair point. "Okay, sure. Uh, what's so urgent?"

Shulk drops a folder on his desk. "Did you irritate the principal again?" he asks instead of responding.

Well, he did break into his office, but Link won't admit that in front of his class. Besides, knowing how close Shulk and Robin are, the other teacher probably already knows. "…Maybe," he allows. "What's he making me do this time?"

"You're helping reorganise the students' permanent records with Sheik and I," the engineer informs him. He glances around the class. "And no, he won't be altering any of your files," he warns lightly. The students burst into a flurry of good-natured complaints.

Link chuckles. "Well, thanks for the warning," he says. "And, y'know, for waking me up. If our dear principal had caught me…" He shudders.

Shulk laughs, brushing his hair behind his ear and leaving a streak of grease across his temple. "Which is why I figured you'd appreciate me stopping by." He glances down at the folder he'd dropped. "Oh, these are your photocopies. You forgot to pick them up. Uh, if anyone asks, that's why I was here."

"Sure thing," the history teacher agrees. "I appreciate the effort. But, uh, aren't you running a joint thing with Cloud today? You should probably get back there…"

"Right, right." The other teacher pushes away from the desk. "Shouldn't keep him waiting too long. The principal should be stopping by to let you know about the student records cleanup soon; do me a favour and don't tell him that I already stopped by?"

"Sure thing," Link agrees. "I'll try to stay awake long enough."

"You better!" That said, Shulk drops the photocopies on the desk and strolls out the door.

Link shoots a glance at his students. "I won't mention it to the principal if you don't," he says lightly.

His class finds that hilarious.

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******This wasn't worth the wait. So sorry.**

_**Next time: Wine**_**  
****Hoo, boy. Now, if only I could get drunk as research… Buuut I can't.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	34. Wine

**Look at me, late again. Heh. I got Advent Children out of the library and was then very distracted. So naturally the blondies of Smash–some of them, anyway–are all meeting up and getting drunk. Well, as drunk as a hero, a SOLDIER (sort of) and a physical god can.**

**(One of my Xenoblade headcanons is that gods can't really get drunk. Not unless they want to. But they aren't immune to hangovers, so they have to be very careful.)**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**34: Wine**_

Link absently scoops up the bottle on the table before him and pours himself a glass. "Soo… why are we doing this, again?" he asks.

Cloud shrugs, turning his glass slowly and watching the wine swirl around. "Don't know," he hums. "But there's no reason not to."

"Easy for you to say," the hero grumbles. "You don't get hungover."

Shulk laughs. "He doesn't get drunk," he points out, taking a sip from his own glass. "I don't get drunk either. Really, you're the only one who might suffer from this."

Link just groans, rolling onto his back. "Would've been nice if Zelda and Peach had left us something a little better than wine," he sighs. "If I'm going to be hungover, I want to at least do it with style."

Cloud chuckles. "Yeah, you have fun with that," he comments. He drains his glass and pours himself another.

"Well," Link decides. "May as well get started."

**...**

Link giggles. "Have I ever told you guys that you're my best friends?" he asks cheerily.

"Yes," Shulk says absently, gaze fixed on the half-finished contraption in his hands.

"Five minutes ago," Cloud agrees. His blue eyes are slightly softer than they were an hour ago, the only indicator of the ridiculous amount of alcohol he's already consumed. It's very annoying. Not to mention unfair.

"Well you are," Link declares brightly. "And I'm *really* sorry about handing your asses to you all the time…"

The other two stare at him. "…I distinctly remember beating you last time," Shulk comments lightly. "What about you, Cloud?"

The other nods. "I think I've beat you just about every time we've fought," he agrees.

Link sticks his tongue out and flops back against the couch cushions. "Details," he mutters. "I beat Ganon. All the time."

"That's not the same thing," Shulk says decisively. He tightens a screw and the little contraption in his hands makes a sound vaguely like a pig squealing. "Dammit."

Cloud chuckles. "What did you do?"

Shulk holds out the metal for the other two to examine. "I have no idea, to be honest. Your thoughts?"

Link just shrugs and zones out of the conversation as the other pair begin to talk shop. It's interesting, really, and their expertise would undoubtably come in handy if anything ever happened to his gear, but he can't bring himself to focus at the moment.

So instead he just listens to the sound of their voices and ends up lost in his own head.

**...**

"Link?"

Something taps his temple, and *ow*, that's not pleasant. Now he remembers why he doesn't drink.

"Link…" The voice is exasperated this time.

"Let him sleep." That's Shulk, sounding distracted and vaguely amused, which means the first voice must be… Cloud, right?

"Mm. If you say so." Yeah, that's Cloud. Link cracks his eyes open just enough to see the other blond stroll over to flop down at Shulk's side, eyeing the whatever-it-is that Shulk had been working on.

"Nngh…" Link whines, closing his eyes again and rolling over.

"You're awake, then?" Cloud asks with the distinct lack of sympathy that comes with being unable to get hungover.

"No," Link decides. "Actually, I think I must be in some horrible hell-dimension and yes, Shulk, I can hear you snickering over there."

"Sorry."

Cloud just sighs and puts something on the table in front of him. "Water and pain meds," he announces. "C'mon, up you get."

Assholes though they may be, at least his friends know how to deal with hangovers.

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**It's so shiiiit.**

**Um, the updates for the next two weeks or so shall be nonexistent. I'm gonna be in England, without Internet. So I'll post them when I get back. Have a great holiday, everyone, and I'll see you in 2016!****  
**_**  
**__**Next time: Ambition**_

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	35. Ambition

**So, as per usual, I have no clue what I'm doing. So we'll see what happens.**

**Cloud's back, by the way.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**35: Ambition**_

_Tap-tap-tap, tap-tap, tap-tap-tap-tap-_

"Link…" Zelda says warningly.

"Sorry," Link apologises, dropping his pen on the desk. "Force of habit."

The teacher sighs. "Look, I know how you feel about music and all, but try to keep it out of history, please."

"Yes, Miss Nohansen," Link sings. The rest of the class chuckles. Cloud shoves him lightly.

Zelda just groans. "Are you done?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

The entire class bursts out laughing.

**...**

"Really, Link?" Zelda asks. "Nice comedian routine, but in the middle of class?"

Link just shrugs. "Well, I have to practice, don't I? Don't want to get rusty, y'know."

His agent sighs. "Look. You've got this secret, pop star, Hannah Montana-esque double-life thing going on, but you don't need to make everything so difficult for me!"

"Sorry, Zelda," the star murmurs. "I can't help it. I just like making them laugh."

"I know, I know," the woman replies. "But you have to dial it down in school, alright? After all the trouble we had with getting me a teaching position to begin with…"

"I know!" Link yelps. "I'm not _trying_ to cause you trouble. I'm just good at it."

The agent chuckles despite herself. "Of course you are. Just try to be a little more careful."

"Yes, _mother_," Link teases.

**...**

Now, when Link first got into the entertainment business, it was… more than a little difficult. After all, a nobody twelve-year-old was less than likely to get anywhere.

And then he was lucky enough to run into Cloud Strife.

Cloud just happened to be close friends with several of the chief executives of ShinRa Music Inc. With his recommendation—and a bit of pleading—said executives managed to get Link a deal, with the condition that Cloud worked as his manager. After that, everything came out exactly as he'd hoped.

So now here he is, world famous by night and popular school kid by day. It's a charmed life, if a bit tricky at times. Even so, he wouldn't trade it for the world. It's his life, anyway, and he likes where his ambition has led him.

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**This is painfully short (not to mention awful), but writer's block hit halfway through.**

**In any case, welcome to 2016, everybody!**

_**Next time: Shallow**_**  
****Oh boy.**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


	36. Shallow

**I wanted to do an assassin AU. So I did.**

**Disclaimed.**

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_**36: Shallow**_

_Be silent, be focused, be still until the moment you strike._

Link frowns, eyes fixed on the door beneath him. The second his mark shuts that door, he's dead. Easy, quick. One stab downwards, with the weight of his body and gravity behind it. His breathing is soft, shallow; anyone else might be getting dizzy by now, but this was part of what his master taught him. How to remain still as stone, barely breathing, blinking only rarely. Invisible.

Footsteps creak on the stairs, and Link tenses, before forcing himself to relax. He's memorised guard schedules and knows the plans of everyone in the castle. Barring any unforeseen complications, the princess' shadow will be dead in less than a minute. Easy.

Unforeseen complications come with the territory, anyway. He's confident he can adjust to anything that happens.

The footsteps halt at the doorway, and there's the rattle of a key in the lock. The wooden barrier swings open, and the shadow lets out a loud sigh. Link waits for the door to scrape shut again, then jumps off the beam.

Next thing he knows, he's face-down on the floor with a weight pressing his hips into the wood. "Really?" comes a bored-sounding voice. "That's the best you could come up with?"

Link twists sharply, managing to flip himself over. The princess' shadow stares back at him, one eyebrow raised, crimson eyes flashing in amusement. "Come now," his mark says lightly, "did you really think I wouldn't recognise an assassination attempt when I saw it?"

Link just stares at him. "Wha- I- how-" he stammers.

The shadow chuckles and stands, offering him a hand up. "My master trained me to know when someone is hiding among the ceiling beams, assassin. I'm a professional, after all."

The other blond takes his hand hesitantly. The shadow pulls him to his feet and touches his own knife to his throat. "Careful, assassin," he says lightly. "Not everyone is as forgiving as I."

Link pushes him away, stepping back in the same movement to avoid the blade. "This is embarrassing," he complains. "I mean, you're what, fifteen? Sixteen?"

"About that," the shadow agrees amicably. "What of it?"

"What- I can't be killed by a kid! That's mortifying!"

The shadow frowns. "First, I'd hardly call myself a 'kid'. Second, that's awfully shallow, you know. If the only reason you don't want me killing you is because it's embarrassing."

Link scowls at him. "Fine. Well, go on then. Try to kill me."

"Shallow indeed," the boy decides, flipping the knife in his hand and holding it out, hilt first. "I don't think I'll kill you today, my shallow assassin. Consider this a warning." For a moment, those crimson eyes flash dangerously, and Link decides to take his warning very seriously.

**...**

"I never did catch your name."

Link jumps at the words, sudden, spoken in the lazy drawl of someone with nothing better to do than chatter. "Well, you didn't exactly volunteer yours. And shouldn't you be guarding the princess?"

The shadow chuckles, coming into view before him, the faint tang of magic filling the air. "Come now, my shallow assassin. Surely you've heard the stories? I could be back at her side in under a second. Although I have to mention, it's a little odd that you aren't trying to kill me. Given the fact that I highly doubt the contract on me has been rescinded."

"I figured I'd learn a little more about you first," Link says, only half joking. "I need to make sure it works this time, since you'll kill me if it doesn't."

"Fair point," the shadow admits. "Now, may I have the honour of knowing the name of the one who's trying to kill me?"

Link hesitates. Does he really want his mark knowing his name? No, would be his answer if this was a normal contract. But it's not, is it? "…Link," he says quietly. "And you?"

The shadow holds out a hand with a cheery smile. "Sheik," he replies. They shake.

"You know," Sheik says absently, "I think I've got a contract on you as well."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Link says cautiously. "So now what? If we're both trying to kill each other."

"Five minutes grace period?" the other suggests. "We run, get as far from each other as possible, then start attempting assassinations."

Link stares at him for a moment. "…Sounds fair."

That said, they take off.

**...**

It's three weeks before Link sees Sheik again, although that's probably because he hasn't been looking very hard. After all, risk of impending death is pretty hard to beat on the list of 'Reasons Not to Meet a Friend'.

In the end, it's entirely by accident. Link is out getting lunch and the princess walks by, her shadow hovering behind her. Link just happens to walk into him. The next thing he knows, they're sprawled on the ground, legs tangled together, both flushing and cursing furiously.

"…Link," Sheik says.

"Sheik," Link replies. "Um, hang on a moment– I'll just… move that leg there, and, uh… a little to the left and… ah, there we go."

They separate quickly, studiously ignoring the snickering around them. Sheik shuffles his feet. Link coughs. The princess, watching from the sidelines, bursts out laughing.

Eventually, Sheik meets his gaze with a friendly smile. "Well!" he says lightly. "Was that all, or did you need something after all?"

Link lets out a startled chuckle. "I believe that's all," he replies, equally cheerful. "Good day."

After all, he tells himself as he walks away, there's no sense in killing his mark in the middle of a crowded street.

**...**

"Have I come at a bad time?"

Link cranes his neck to see above him. Sheik stares down bemusedly, eyeing the ropes around his ankles, suspending him from the ceiling. "Have, uh… Have you been there long?" he asks. "Because, you know, blood flow restriction and all that… can have some nasty consequences…"

"No more than five minutes," Link assures him. "You mind getting me down?"

Sheik frowns thoughtfully. "Well, really I should just kill you," he points out. "Contract and all… But that wouldn't be very sporting, would it? So…" His knife flashes once, cutting through the ropes.

Link yelps, grabbing the ropes to keep himself from landing head-first. "A little warning would be nice!" he snaps.

Sheik points the blade at him. "Right after I save your life you snap at me? See if I ever help you again." He chuckles. "Did I embarrass you? You're still awfully shallow, you know."

"And you're a brat," Link informs him.

Sheik just laughs. Link highly doubts they'll ever get around to killing each other.

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**Bit of an abrupt ending, but I'm on a time limit.****  
**_**  
**__**Next time: Sanctuary**_**  
**

…**I know I technically should post another chapter or two, but I got nothing. Also, I've lost track of how many weeks it's been. So I'll just start regular posting next week, yeah?**

**See ya~!**

**-Bird**


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